Today is Tuesday

And I can't think of a title for my blog post.

I'm hard at work on my NaNoWriMo novel, but I keep forgetting to update my word count. Never fear, WriMo Buddies! I am writing. My internets at home are sketchy at best.

I'd like to say it's going well, but...well, I can't. It's been tough this year. But I'm pretty determined to make it.

Having said all of that (it was a lot, I know!), I don't have much for you today.

Except that I've been pretty much listening to this song on repeat in my car (Aunt Kim, don't click that. I mean it. Mom, you too...if you've managed to find my blog again. You won't be happy.), what? It's INSPIRATIONAL.

Also, I love this kid. He's so special. We got dicks like Jesus.



I'm alternating with this one. I'm pretty sure I've got more junk in my trunk than a Honda. My favorite line: Jean wasn't fat, she was easy to catch.



Tell me you don't want to shake your booty on the dance floor right now, I dare you.

And also, too, as well.

People.

People people people.

Just because Sarah Palin says, "...and also, too..." doesn't mean you should. In fact, whatever Sarah Palin says, you should probably just go ahead and say the opposite. But I don't want to get political up in this blog.

Also. Too. As well. They all mean pretty much the same damn thing. Which means there's no need for you to use more than one in any given sentence on Any Given Sunday. Oops. That last part was about football.

Actually, let's change the subject for a second.

MY TITANS WON!! In case you haven't noticed, they've been basically falling all over themselves this season. Justin Gage? Call me. Chris Johnson? You're delish. Keep up the good work, boys.

It's Friday, we should break up - Handwriting Edition

So, as you can see...my handwriting is terrible. And I blatantly stole this from mylittlebecky and Just a Girl. And probably even Alice, since I read hers too.

Happy Friday, y'all!

The Rules for Dating Shine

First of all, before you say anything, this blog is about ME, okay? Just so we're clear.

And yes, if you want to know how awesome I am, you can just ask me.

So for future (or possibly current) reference (I'm looking at you, Princess), these are the Top Ten Rules for Dating Shine (as of today, who knows what tomorrow will bring?):

1. Do what you say you're going to do. There are no exceptions to this rule. (Okay, probably if you call AHEAD OF TIME with a good reason for why you can't do the thing you said you'd do, I'll let it slide. Once or twice.)

2. Do not cling to me like Leo after the Titanic sank. I will let go. This means you should have your own life/friends/hobbies.

3. You MUST want to make the sexy time play cards. Often. Death and disability are no excuse. What?

4. If you listen to Nickelback or Creed (even on accident), you should probably get out of my face before I punch you in the vagina.

5. I can pay for myself, open my own doors, and I do NOT need you to protect me. But all of those things can be nice, in their place.

6. Be a man. A real one.

• I don't need to hear about every single one of your feelings. Talk to your therapist/best friend/dog about the trivial stuff.
  
• Find it on your own. You can look up directions as easily as I can.
  
• Have manners. If your mama didn't teach them to you, please buy a book or something.
  

7. I'm funny. Acknowledge.

8. If you wear a class ring, you need not apply.

9. The L-word is not a salutation. Use it as such, and it means nothing.

10. I like cake. Feed it to me.

These are really in no particular order, except the first. It's kind of like that rule about Fight Club. Break it, and the rest of the shiz doesn't matter.

Climbing the Wall

I've been rock climbing for a few months now, and I love it. I had done it years ago, and sort of liked it, but now? It's a passion.

I'm not very good at it yet.

I don't care.

There's this one route at the climbing gym that's giving me trouble. It's a route I should be able to climb, theoretically. I can climb all the other ones that are at the same level (except one, but seriously...it's harder and I'm working on it, too).

You see, on this route, the second move is to grip these holds that I simply cannot grip. They are awkward and slippery and I just can't seem to get them. But the third move is this perfect yellow hold, for my right hand. Last night, I finally (after weeks of trying to just get off the ground) managed to get my right hand up to that yellow hold.

It hurt.

A lot.

Then I realized that I needed to get my left foot up underneath my butt. The only problem was that my right hand was smashing the left side of my body against the wall, making it really difficult to move my left food underneath me without pulling my right hand out of the hold.

I was in my own way.

I finally got my left foot where I needed it to be, but I didn't have the strength to pull myself up any further. I didn't trust my legs to hold me. I'd seen other people do it. I knew what needed to be done, but I just couldn't quite trust myself to do it.

This morning I was thinking about this problem and I started to realize that this route, this path on a rock climbing wall, might be a pretty good parallel to my own life.

I've spent so much time and energy trying to reach this one thing. I struggled and struggled. I fell down. I got back up. And then, I finally got my hand on it.

What if that one thing isn't what I want after all? It's the only path I can see. It's the attainable goal. But what if reaching it puts me in my own way? What if reaching it has drained me of the strength I need for anything else? How do I trust myself to keep going, or, even harder, find another path?

Is it just me?

So the big hullabaloo on the (sports talk) radio station I listen to this morning was...the Dallas Cowboys cheerleader who dressed as Li'l Wayne for Halloween.

The controversy is this: She's a little white girl with blonde hair. And she dressed up as Li'l Wayne for Halloween. In order to accomplish this, she used dark makeup to darken her skin. BECAUSE SHE WAS TRYING TO BE LI'L WAYNE. Who, ya know, isn't white.

For reference, here's her picture, both as a cheerleader and as Li'l Wayne, and a picture of Li'l Wayne:





Now this poor girl is being labeled as a racist and being disciplined by the Dallas Cowboys cheerleading Nazi, Kelly what's-her-name. For her HALLOWEEN COSTUME.

Look, if she had dressed up as a person of color being hung by a noose from a tree? That's incredibly offensive. But to dress up as a famous rapper? I'd say that's complimentary. Maybe she was being offensive about it at the party she attended, I don't know.

However, not that I'm watching the fourth season of Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team, because that would just be silly, Kelly what's-her-name just nearly cut someone on the last episode because she was "looking a little chunky." Which means that normally girls "her size" weigh 112 pounds and she weighs 123. So she really needs to cut that down if she expects to make the squad.

You know what I find offensive? THAT.

It's Friday, we should break up - Marriage

I would assume that most of you know that I'm not really a big fan of the marriage idea. But if you don't...well, I'm not.

I think it's a silly concept and completely unnecessary. Making a legal contract with someone else for the rest of your life? No thank you.

It's not that I'm against celebrating your love for someone else. I just don't understand why you need a little piece of paper in order to do it, why you want the government involved in it, or why you need to spend thousands upon thousands of dollars on it.

Aside from this, I would like to separately breakup with engagement rings. I didn't realize this until a couple of days ago, but engagement rings are wrapped up in all kind of legal bullshit. Legal bullshit that basically means, "If you're a woman, please to bend over so we can shove something in your bum."

It seems that an engagement ring is an offer in a contract of marriage (It's a nasty word, isn't it? Contract...ugh). And as such, if the marriage doesn't take place for any reason, the man is legally entitled to the ring.

I always thought that this was just a matter of protocol. Generally speaking, my opinion was always this: If you're the girl, you should probably give the ring back. If you're the man, you should probably expect that the ring is gone. I don't know, it just seems shitty, especially if you're the one who ended it, to go to the woman and say, "Yeah, I know I hurt you and stuff, but that ring I gave you as an everlasting symbol of my love? I'm going to need that back."

Um. Douche.

Generally speaking, it's equally douchey to keep the ring, if you're a girl. Though the common consensus seems to be that if the guy did something shady, the ring is yours.

But the law says no. Because we still live in 1637.

How is an engagement ring not a gift? Albeit a stupid one. And this whole spending two months salary on a ring, if you're the guy? Um, no. Especially not if you make any amount of money. And why is it that if two people are both gainfully employed that only the MAN should buy the woman something? It's just lopsided and wrong.

Instead, I propose this: Go on a "we're getting married" vacation! Split the cost, everyone has a good time and instead of a ring, you have pictures to show everyone.

Or buy each other something.

Or don't buy anything.

Or don't get married. Just have a mature, long-term relationship, based on mutual respect and trust that either party can leave without calling a lawyer. Because everyone knows that lawyers are the devil. Right, Princess?

So that's it, Marriage. And everything that goes along with it. I'm out. I'd like to be happy and continue to have sex, thanks. And those are two things it seems most (NOT ALL, I know) marriages are without.

In other news, tomorrow is HALLOWEEN! I'm so excited. I love you, Halloween. You are the best holiday. Everyone have a fun and safe weekend!

UPDATE: I do know that there are logical, rational reasons to get married. All of Erin's points (in the comments) are valid, even if she did sign in using her husband's name (which I think is pretty funny, considering). And for those very reasons, and pretty much only those reasons, I may one day get married. But an engagement ring holds very little interest to me, either way. Unless, of course, the government we now live under decides to come to its senses and stop supporting so fiercely what is essentially a religious institution and institutes civil unions for all with equal rights to everyone. Which would be great.