18 August 2009

If you look closely, you can see a real cougar in the wild...only she's wearing leopard print.

The Willis and I went out for drinks last night. At our second stop, we ran into...Motorboater! AND HIS MOM!

If you look carefully, you can see Motorboater's mom over The Willis's shoulder. Yes, she sat down right behind us.

Motorboater didn't speak to me for the entire night. Not even when he decided to hang out with him mom (Who was hitting on some guy wearing a top hat. Yes. A TOP HAT.) right next to us. Which was fine with me, really. But kind of awkward.

The Willis and I left around 1:00 am. When we got in the car, I heard my phone signal that I had received a text message.

"Oh that better not be from Motorboater."

But it was. Of course.

Text #1: "Wow, thought I recognized you but wasn't sure as I hadn't seen you in a while (Note: I look exactly the same. It's been less than two months.). You look great. Fantastic. Didn't mean to me rude."

Response #1: "It's cool. I just figured you weren't speaking to me."

Now, I realize I probably should have just said nothing. But he was being sort of nice and I didn't want to be an asshole. Especially because we kind of tend to end up in the same places a lot, and I'd rather it not be awkward every time.

Text #2: "No, I realized from the girl after you I have some issues I need to deal with. I was prob a bit over the top in being mad at you. I am sorry."

Response #2: "It's no biggie. I'm not sweatin' it."

Honestly, what else am I supposed to say here?

Text #3: "Word. But I was still a jack ass (I'm not editing). But from our convos you expected nothing but."

First of all, you don't remember what I look like, but you remember our conversations? I doubt both of those are true. Second of all, I pretty much called him a jackass the entire time we were "dating."

Response #3: (At this point, I'm a little irritated that we have to continue this coversation) "I did actually try to tell you you were a jackass. You just weren't interested in listening."

I don't feel like I'm doing anything to encourage a continued conversation.

Text #4: "I was angry. Not an excuse but there are some things I need to get straight before I can deal with anyone else. I take small things very personally right now. Not sure how to get over that but at least know where it stems from and that is a start."

Response #4: "Like I said. No skin off my back. I'm good."

Read: I'm not a therapist, but maybe you should get one. Also, there's really no need to explain that you're a jackass, since I've known that for years.

Text #5: "That attitude was part of my prob. Needed somebody that gave a shit."

So okay, fuck you. Now I'm really annoyed. AND IT'S 1:00 IN THE MORNING. WTF?

Response #5: "I told you from second one that I wasn't interested in anything serious. It's not that I don't give a shit, but I barely know you. And I'm not really interested in taking on anyone else's shit right now and you have a lot of it. All I'm trying to say is that I didn't take your anger personally. If you want to make it personal, that's a different story."

Cheese and rice people. What the hell?

Text #6: "Sorry, anger slipped for a moment. All I wanted to do was say that you look great. I can tell that you stuck with working out and it shows. C'mon, I wasn't even sure it was you!"

What I wanted to say here: "And I can tell that your genius 'walk up and down the stairs' plan hasn't really panned out at all. Also, I looked good two months ago and I look exactly the same now. Feel free to grow up. Fuck you."

Response #6: "Thanks."

Lesson learned. Just don't bother to respond to text messages, even if they seem reasonable and nice on the surface.


Organic Meatbag said...

Let me just say that as far as the top hat goes...I wear one all the time...only with nothing else... it adds a touch of class!

mysterg said...

I prefer a fedora myself!

Lemmonex said...

Fuck everyone.

The end.

Graygrrrl said...

Was this at the same bar I was at as well? I didn't see any top hats!!!

Antelope said...

I'm impressed by response #5 just because I'm not sure I can fit that many characters into a text message on my phone.

Alice said...

ahhhh the angry text messagers. been there. soo been there. wish i would learn to just NOT ANSWER.

Blondiesblondemoments said...

Found you on Porkstar's blog. I have to say you are a lot nicer than me. I would have finally told him to fuck off

adriana said...

Wow. I miss the days when people had to use AIM to send angry messages. (Like my ex boyfriend used to do!) said...

That guy makes me want to have a shower to scrub all of the dirty off of me.

Mary said...

What a woman! Even I'm not that clingy.

PorkStar said...

Listen, he declared himself a jackass, you concurred, you could still be the asshole and not reply to his texts. Nothing wrong with that.!

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

That is hilarious...most people are like me and were more freaked out by the TOP HAT...what the hell? Who wears a top hat anymore? Oh they had style back then.

Mega8815 said...

That guy just freaks me the fcuk out!
Can you say Creeeeeeppppyyyyyy?! WTF?!
Yeah just get rid of him. He's such a desperate loser it radiates off him... even technologically.. HAHA!!