17 August 2009

I had forgotten that my sister was also a little OCD at Christmas, too!

You may remember reading about my sister's move. She reminded me in the comments section (In which both she and her boyfriend commented. They are hilarious.) that she had also gone off the deep end a little bit for Christmas.

Now I love a schedule and a plan as much as the next girl. I'm just well aware that they rarely work out. My sister, Sarah, and my aunt, Dana, continue to live their lives as though every plan they make will work perfectly. And if not, don't worry, there's a backup plan. Or twelve.

I love them both dearly, but neither are really living in the same reality as the rest of us.

You'll notice that I'm not actually on the schedule at all (because of course I can't really be counted upon for much and I was busy with my head up my ass about the guy I was dating anyway). Though, as it turned out, I had a hand in quite a lot of the cooking. Because trying to plan my mother is like trying to cage an enraged bull in an aquarium. Futile at best. Disastrous at worst. But she does try really hard. (Hi Mom! Love you!)

(Did I mention that my mom actually started read my blog yesterday. Yeah...)

Sarah's list is wonderfully color coded already. Anything I add, I'll add in orange and bold and these [] thingies..

And now I give family's Christmas schedule!

On 12/22/08, Sarah wrote:

Please review this schedule....

Christmas Eve

12:15-1: Travel to Lake Village
1-2:30: Christmas Caroling at Lake Village (Expected Attendance: Pops, Nana, Ginger, Gary, Sarah, Dana, Osiris, Omar, Carlos and Fernando) [I HATE CAROLING. I HATE CHRISTMAS MUSIC. Though I have a soft spot for Amy Grant Christmas music. Shut up, she used to go to our church and she rarely gets blasted at me EVERYWHERE I GO for two months before Christmas.]
2:30-3:00: Travel to Prairie Estate
3:00-4:30: Christmas Caroling at Prairie Estate [See above.]
4:30-5: Travel Home
5:00-7: Final Christmas Dinner Preparations
7: Christmas Eve Dinner (Expected Attendance: Nana, Pops, Ginger, Gary, Dana, Rachel and Sarah)


1:30: Travel to The Forum (7827Park Lane, off of 75 on Park Lane)
2-5: Volunteer at The Forum (activities include playing bingo with residence and serving snacks to residence at the nursing home) (Expected Attendance: Pops, Ginger, Gary, Sarah and Dana) [What?!? I would have attended, but I was going to a Christmas day thing with some friends. It was white elephant. I got a plastic dead grandmother in a rocking chair. You can't buy memories like these.]
5-7: Christmas Dinner Preparations
7: Christmas Dinner (Expected Attendance: Nana, Pops, Ginger, Gary, Dana and Sarah)

Some Notes

1. I hope everyone enjoys this volunteering activity-- surprisingly, it took me quite a bit of time to find a facility that would allow a group our size to volunteer together. (Other organization required training, background checks, or had to split us up). [It seems odd to me that there's this much of a pain in the assness associated with volunteering. I'm not surprised more people just choose to stay home.]

2. Christmas Eve Dinner Menu: Turkey, Ham, Broccoli and Cheese Casserole, Cheese Spaghetti, Creamed Corn, Deviled Eggs, Banana Pudding, Banana-less pudding, Dressing, Sweet Potato Casserole, Garlic Mashed Potatoes, Rolls, Sparkle Punch and Sweet Tea

3. Christmas Dinner Menu: Pork Tenderloin, Pesto Pasta, Twiced Baked Potatoes, Mixed Vegetables and Cheesy Garlic Bread

Any additional menu requests must be submitted tonight (12/22) [Yes, there's a deadline.]


Later that day on 12/22/2008, Sarah wrote:

Here are details for the Christmas Eve Dinner Preparations-- they are color coded so its easy to see what each of us is responsible for....Dana is blue, Sarah is Purple [I'm sorry, this looks more like pink, but I'm not going through and changing it now. Just pretend it's purple.], Ginger is Red, and Nana is Green.

Turkey- Dana

Ham- Dana [Dana is the meat preparer and griller of the family. She has more grill tools than any one single human could ever need and she is HILARIOUS out there.]

Broccoli and Rice Casserole- Sarah will prepare on Tuesday (cracker topping will be placed on Wednesday by Sarah)[This is not a joke, folks. This cracker topping will not place itself!]

Cheese Spaghetti: Sarah will prepare on Tuesday

Creamed Corn: Sarah will commence prep work on Tuesday by taking the ear and juices off the cob [This just sounds really gross to me, even though I know we're talking about corn. I don't really ever want to hear "ear" and "juices" in the same action again.], Ginger will do the final cooking on Wednesday after we get back from Caroling [NOPE.]

Deviled Eggs: Sarah will boil eggs on Wednesday morning before Caroling, Sarah will make the deviled eggs on Wednesday after returning from Caroling [You'd think since Sarah is the one doing all the preparing AND Sarah is the one making the schedule, she wouldn't necessarily feel the need to be so detailed. But you'd be wrong.] [And I think I made these.]

Banana Pudding/Banana-less Pudding: Nana will bring on Wednesday [Neither Dana nor I actually like the bananas in the banana pudding. They get all slimy. NO THANK YOU.]

Dressing- Nana prepare and bring on Wednesday

Sweet Potato Casserole- Dana making on Tuesday [This meant it had brown sugar and pecans instead of marshmallows, I think. I don't like sweet potatoes, but I LOVE marshmallows.]

Mashed Potatoes- Sarah will shave [What the hell kind of hairy potatoes are we eating?!?], cut, and boil the potatoes on Wednesday morning before Caroling, Nana will mash and prepare the potatoes on Wednesday evening [I would like to add that this is NOT what happened. Somehow, Mom decided to mash the cooked potatoes the night before without any of the appropriate ingredients. This was a HORRIBLE IDEA. In case you were wondering. This is why we have an agenda, people, let's respect it.]

Rolls- Sarah will place in the oven on Wednesday night after the Turkey is done

Sparkle Punch- Ginger will make on Wednesday Evening [I made this.]


I should add here that Mom (Ginger) didn't make it home from seeing patients until about a half hour before we ate dinner. There were many moments of confusion before Nana (Mom's mom) showed up to guide us through the "making creamed corn" process. Also, I made a huge mess of the deviled eggs, but I really only like the filling anyway. Sarah did place the rolls in the oven on Wednesday night after the Turkey was done. I think Turkey is capitalized because it is Very Important on holidays. I pretty much hate turkey all the time, though, so I refuse to capitalize. Leave me alone, turkey. I want a new holiday meat (TWSS?).


Joanna said...

My day:
8 am (shut up, I'm unemployed, I can sleep late)- Joanna will turn off alarm and get out of bed.
8:05 am - Joanna will turn on coffee pot.
8:15 am - Joanna will pour herself 32oz of coffee.
9 am - Joanna will take Cheerios out of the pantry and pour into a bowl (note: use the gray bowl, as the green bowls are too shallow for cereal and the milk slops over the side). Add milk. Return milk to refrigerator and Cheerios to pantry. Be sure to turn Cheerio box so labeled panel is facing out.
9:30 am - Refill coffee.
9:45 am - Check Rachel's blog.

Graygrrrl said...

I think thats adorable! I wish my Gran would do something like that for family reunions, that way I would be prepared for days of starvation and coming up with excusses to go into town so I can eat something- anything- for the day

A pretty nice little Saturday said...

Your sister sounds exactly like me!! I make lists and schedules like this, but I would put these details into both a schedule form (with tables and color coding) and a "Responsibilities by Person" form (also color coded) both with footnotes and a cover page with overall information for everyone. I would turn it into a pdf and attach it to the email - which would be my downfall. Some people don't know how to look at attachments. But I would also come with printed copies for each person in file folders and give a presentation about how to read the instructions. Of course, reminding everyone that OGRANIZATION IS FUN!

Sarah and I should become neurotic OCD friends!

Alice said...

i like me some lists, but i'm far too ADD to get that detailed :-)

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I've been through these. It's ridiculous. But, my in-laws must live by this. They have to. As soon as one meal is finished, they start discussing the next one. Family time is fun time. Right? Right?

~Cardboard Sea~ said...

Does this happen to piss any family members off? If I made a schedule like that, my family would rip me a new one and purposely sabotage me.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

that just made my brain explode.

Erin said...

That much planning makes me glaze over.

Mega8815 said...

I agree with Erin... It's WAY too much for me. I had a friend like this. She was so bad, that when we went to the movies, she'd make a schedule. She even put in times to go pee. Who the hell says I will want to pee at that exact time?! But somehow I did.

Anonymous said...

I could not be a bigger fan of your sister.

I want her to start her own blog.

Or start a schedule for starting a new blog.

adriana said...

Once again... Awesome!

Just A Girl said...

That's hilarious. At least your sister's not like this woman.

I still don't understand that level of organization.

Christel said...

Omigod. This is my family. They make me want to scream, pull out my hair, poke out my eyes and such.

smh2141 said...

Okay, I'm a month late to comment on this. Sorry, I'm just now catching up on your blog. But, I think it would be GREAT if you could describe to these people what our holidays are like WITHOUT a schedule. That way, they have a reference for it is funny (when you aren't living it).

Also, it will be a great blog post when I unveil my plans for my wedding planning committee. I am looking into MOSS (Microsoft Office Sharepoint Server) to distribute information in the most efficient and effective way that is both streamlined and transparent. And lucky you-- you get to be on my committee!! No, I'm not getting married anytime soon...but a good planner starts strategizing before the plan is needed. Your job will definitely be managing mom and making her stick to the plan. So, start preparing and strategizing now.

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