16 September 2009

Wednesday Wipeouts

Oh, OKCupid. Oh, the men on OKCupid. Actually, from what I hear from our dear Phronk, the women are just as bad...but I don't have to deal with them.

Wednesdays will now, for the near future at least, be devoted to weird messages and/or conversations I've had with men on OKCupid. I know, try to contain your excitement.

This week's winner:

Well hi

My name is [it would be mean to tell you] I am 200 lb and 6ft I am from [somewhere], and I think your cute (just so you know its hard to tell a total stranger that they are cute or pretty threw a computer without sounding creepy, please forgive me).. Just the same I am white I shave my head I love the cold not really into sports that much but I play volleyball twice a week I have a dog and I take great pride in being Irish.. So if you like guys that are strong quiet that have tattoos and love to cook stop buy and say hi or text dosent bother me [for his own protection] wish you the best..

It just hurts my head. PUNCTUATION, people. Figure it out.

And since it's our first week of Wednesday Wipeouts, here's a bonus conversation I had with a dude because I just couldn't stop myself. Later, as I was telling Gofahne (ahem, please to sit your ass down and write your first blog, thanks) about it and we had a nice chuckle. Then I sent her the link to his profile and she said, "Um...remember how I told you that I was maybe having coffee with someone this week? Well, that's him."


It went like this...

Him: hey, what are you upto?

(Now, I had been chastised for never really responding to people, so this week I was trying to be a good girl and at least say something. I went to check his profile and his list of "I'm really good at..." things was this:

Kick boxing
Water Falls
Jet Skiing
Para Sailing
Scuba Diving
Muscle Cars
Roller Coasters
Kite Surfing
Horse Riding
Card Games
Long Drives
Racing my car

Which is...a lot of crap that makes little sense, but the first "move" we learned in pole dancing class was "water fall," so I found it amusing that he's good at that. Anyway, it seemed like a bit of douchebaggery, but I decided to respond. But not much.)

Me: No good.

Him: oh no. what's wrong?

Me: Um, nothing. You asked what I'm up to. And I am up to no good.

(This is no longer amusing once I have to explain it. Now I just sound weird...)

(Also, is this no longer a frequently used expression? I thought it was...)

Him: lol no good means something is not good...are u living your life?

Me: (Trying to refrain from saying, "No, I'm dead.") It's an EXPRESSION. And everything in my life is lovely.

Him: Are u lovely too?

Me: Generally speaking, yes.

Him: Generally is the keyword here...It saves more lot of what would u prefer for yourself...intelligence or looks ?

(I still have no idea what the hell that saves more lot of worries?!?)

Me: Intelligence.

Him: do u think intelligence is perfection?

Me: No.

Him: explain

Me: You want an explanation for "No."?

Him: (Fifteen hours later) nopes...i want an explanation for why u like me :)

Me: Whatever would have given you that impression? (Which should have been my other choice, "That's easy. I don't.")

Him: (Five hours later) YOU...and dont try to make me scared of it...its ok to like someone :)

I can't even think of a response to that that isn't "drop dead." So I'm just leaving it there.


Organic Meatbag said...

Uhhhhm.... this guy sounds like a 15 year old Korean student trying to pose as a man...

Just A Girl said...

Since you like me? Generally can I have your bank account to send to you some finances?

Courtney said...

You writing out "up to no good" totally cracked me the fuck up......

oh and explain no.... WOW looks like you got yourself a peach there. Good luck. Oh and can I come to the wedding?

Jeff said...

oh please, please do this every wednesday. The guys you were meeting in person were funny enough, but with the cloak of net-onymity people can be even more jackasstastic.

justjp said...

You are such a hooker! I love it.

Joanna said...

You HAVE to go on a date with him! C'mon! He's good at TIGERS!!!!

Jay Ferris said...

I think I've cracked his code, as in what he means when he says she's good at a particular noun:

Water Falls - TLC karaoke
Tigers - Some strange Frosted Flakes fetish?
BMWs - (B)lowing (M)idget (W)restlers
People - Locking them in his basement
Nature - Not showering
Eyes - Skull fucking

LiLu said...

"its hard to tell a total stranger that they are cute or pretty threw a computer"

This is ALL I can think of right now.

moooooog35 said...

But you DO like me, right?

Graygrrrl said...

Thank you Jay! That was awesome!

Maybe I should do this on my blog too. Would certainly take up some space.

On a side note: did I tell you I saw one of the OkCupid guys out and about? Very weird. I avoided eye contact the best I could, but he sat down with our group.
PS- why do strangers feel the need to sit with my friends and I. Discovered the phenomenon last night. Stranger Danger!

M said...

HYSTERICAL. You have a lot more patience than I would though. Good grief.

txsjewels said...

seems like i always get a great new vocab word or phrase from your blog. today: jackasstastic.

tigers and waterfalls? nice.

GingerMandy said...

nooooo, don't just 'leave it there.'

finish it with "drop dead," damnit!

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

am i allowed to steal the "no good" response?



cool as folk said...

He's good at... Eyes? Nature? TIGERS? He's like, magical.

restaurant refugee said...

Despite the fact that I have a low grade addiction to OKC, I have found it to be an awful place to meet women too. I am going to blame all of the assholes like the tools about whom you wrote who have made women understandably suspicious of ever man on there.

Tony said...

Please to respond for a explanation of the negative response of "no"

Crystal said...

I am also good at Tigers.