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15 September 2009

The long and short of it.

I have this problem.

I'm shallow. I really never thought of myself as shallow, but it turns out, I just might be.

As a general rule, I only like tall boys. So, if you're funny and smart and generally awesome, but two inches shorter than me? I'm probably not going to even look twice at you.

This presents a particular problem with online dating. As I will be intrigued by a profile, look over at the height and see that the person is 5'5" tall and think, "Crap."

And then I can just pretend you never existed.

I'm not going to tell you what the problem actually is with short guys. Because, well, I'm just not. But trust that it isn't about wearing heels or what people will say or anything of that nature. Don't call me Jessie Spano.



(You know, because of that episode where she goes out on a great date with the short guy and then ditches him when she finds out he's shorter than her? First, how did he not stand up when she got to the table? Second, why would Lisa do that to her?!? Third, those jeans! How did she breathe?)

It's something else.

And the thing is, in person, you might win me over. But "on paper," ahem the internets? It's really unlikely.

I was...encouraged by at least one friend to stop being such an ass and just go for it. So I did. I sent a message back to both of the shorties that have messaged me.

In my head, though? Sex with a short person is just...really weird. Like I'm some kind of giant and he'll just be crawling all over me or something. For serious. I'm ridiculous.

21 comments:

Courtney said...

I must be ridiclious too... I don't like short men either...

M said...

Your Jessie Spano comments sent me into spasms. Hilarious.

I don't know how tall you are, but a few inches (or even the same height) doesn't make as much of a difference in the bedroom as you might think. When you're horizontal (or any number of other positions) it's not as obvious.

I dated a guy who was 6 in taller than me for almost 2 years and he always "felt" the same height. It wasn't til I hugged him and looked in a mirror that I go "Man, you're tall!"

I had a point. That how tall you "think" someone is isn't always the same as their actual height.

Jay Ferris said...

But remember how they slapped a band-aid on the problem by having him stand up on a stair while dancing with Jessie? I'm sure you could accomplish something similar in the bedroom with an elaborate system of ropes and pulleys. Not that I have much experience with such systems, seeing as I'm 6'7" (and a half), and my hands are far too gigantic to be of any use for knot-tying.

Lemmonex said...

I don't wanna bone a shortie either. I am sure there are people out there who love them, though. Don't worry about it.

Just A Girl said...

It would look like when Vern Troyer boned that normal chick and like, couldn't reach her face when he was doing it...GROSS. Fortunately there are girls like me who are 5'3" so a guy can be short but not shorter than me.

Gofahne said...

My point (not to give my secret identity in the post away) was that you kind of have to pick a battle. I hate that it is this way, but smart, funny, and not annoying as all hades is getting harder and harder to find. Plus, DAILY, we make new rules and I'm not gonna talk to you if....

This is an attraction thing for you and I certainly believe it's a priority, BUT maybe when opening up options you find something you didn't know you were looking for in the first place. THAT is my silver linging.

I also understand at 5'3" the chances of finding anyone shorter than me are slim to none and I pretty much have no room to talk :)

Travis said...

Speaking as someone who never would have a chance with ya, I don't think you're being shallow. Just particular. One day, you'll get married to the right person, because you have STANDARDS. That's kind of important. The picture of someone using your boobs as handholds to reach your face is awesome though. Just sayin.

GingerMandy said...

you're so right though. i'm realizing how picky i am when browsing profiles online... but there's nothing wrong with knowing how you like things and what's ideal for you. otherwise what's the point in going out with someone if you know they have qualities you can't stand? except maybe a free dinner... unless they make you pay for your beer then shove their tongue through your ribcage. that's not cool.

Alice said...

oh man, i'm exactly the same way. i feel SO SUPERFICIAL, but there's nothing to be done about it: i only want to date taller guys. i've TRIED to date shorter guys, and i just... don't like it. i just find guys who are taller than me more attractive.

as i'm 5'8" in flats, and wear heels a lot, this severly limits my dating pool.

mysterg said...

I don't like women who are taller me as a rule...not because of heels or feeling disempowered because of my height, but just because I always imagine the sex as doing chin-ups!

Having said that, it seems to work ok for Sarkozy and Bruni...

deadleafecho said...

The funniest thing about all this is the comment about shine getting married.
Just go full on midget. Think of it like a vibrator with a body.

Ed Adams said...

What I lack in height, I make up for in length.

Just sayin'

Seriously though, I graduated H.S. at 5'8", and now measure 5'4 1/2". How fucked is that?

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Well guess you gotta start trolling the basketball courts again. Now there is an episode for our sitcom. In truth its just for their large foot size which doesn't always equate to what you really want. We know. Not me. I am 5'11''. I case you wanted to know. And all you amazons can go childless so there. No wonder you all went batshit lesbian in the jungle. YOu believe the myths you believe ALL of them bitches. And say all this with love.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

the sex comment made me laugh and think of a monkey. haha

cool as folk said...

The "crawling all over me" image is hysterical. I don't like shorties too. I'm 5'5, and if they're shorter than me, BIG NO NO.

Jeff said...

my wife thought the same thing, she's only dated guys that were much taller than her. i think i maybe have a 1/2" on her, but hell, she married me right?

Mega8815 said...

Yeah I can join that club... I like the taller ones. Although I think I'm tall, around the girls I am, I'm quite short around the guys. Thank goodness.

The 'crawling all over me' image also gave me a disturbingly funny mental image! Thanx !

adriana said...

I am 5'9" barefoot and I have never, ever been comfortable dating men shorter than me. In fact, men shorter than 6' usually don't work for me.

I have dated a couple of guys who were my height or shorter, because I thought - wow, how superficial I am to not want to date shorter guys. And the result was always the same - I was physically uncomfortable the whole time. I felt huge, gawky, and it sucked. So you don't have to explain this one to me, and I don't really think you're shallow for it.

Sure, there are lots of great guys out there who are not super tall. And, there are tall women who don't feel strange dating guys their height or shorter. But they aren't for you if you can't relax around them... how is that shallow??

Rachel said...

I have exactly the same thought on OkCupid. I just can't do it. I'm working on it though. Mostly because my cousin that just got married met her husband on MySpace and was seriously concerned because he's shorter than her (not by much, but enough). She took a leap and now they're blissfully happy. I'm trying, I really am, but it's hard.

Jotwice said...

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Graygrrrl said...

I have very few requirements as well, we've discussed them before: You must be my height or taller, and my age or older. I've recently added that you must read- not just have the ability to, but actually do.

PS- cyber hi-five for the "reason" not to date shorties.