14 September 2009

I'm still calling it a dinner party.

My friend The Willis is moving to Oregon this week. And the thought makes me want to cry. She's leaving her boyfriend behind, but he's insanely anti-social without her, so I'll probably never see him again either. And he's actually one of the good ones.

To say goodbye, I decided to have a little dinner party at my place on Saturday.

Of course, since I'm kind of a hot mess, I got off to a late start.

I was making margaritas (okay, those were actually made by LOB), creamy chicken and spinach enchiladas (well, one without chicken for our resident Pretty Bitch), chicken and shrimp nachos, and this amazing cheesy corn dip (seriously, this shit is incredible). And Puppy Chow, because it's The Willis's favorite.

I was too much of a mess to take any pictures of the spread (TWSS?), but trust: It was awesome.

After college football was over, someone (who shall remain nameless) suggested a drinking game. Mostly a drinking game in that you stand around and drink while you do it. Now, I was on my fourth margarita and LOB didn't skimp on the tequila. So I was already a little tipsy. And the game is this:

Take a paper bag and place it on the floor. Like so:

The first person must lean over, touching only the soles of his or her feet on the floor (so no hands, knees, or elbows) and pick up the bag using only his or her mouth. Everyone takes a turn, all the while hoping no one has the herp. What?

After everyone has had a turn, someone cuts one inch off the top of the bag. And the whole thing starts again. If you fall, you're out. If you touch the ground with your hands, you're out. If you just can't do it, you're out. This proceeds until only one person is left standing.

Now, let me explain something about The Willis. She's very tiny. Except for her boobs, but that's not really the point. She's 5'2" tall or so (as is Gofahne, but for some reason she seems taller to me). Her boyfriend is probably 6'0" tall at least. And LOB is 5'10" tall, I think. I'm about 5'7" tall. So you can see that The Willis and Gofahne might have a bit of an advantage.

I'm pretty flexible, but the lack of friction between my bare feet and the carpet got me far sooner than I expected. Soon, it was just The Willis and her boyfriend. Two of the most competitive people I've ever known (aside from my Aunt Dana). The paper bag had maybe a 1/2 inch ring around the bottom. So far The Willis hadn't even looked strained. But her boyfriend wasn't going to give up easily.

After watching her essentially curtsy down and pick up the bag with no problem, he stepped up to the plate.

There was stretching and straining and a little grunting and a lot of lunging. And, after a minute of trying, he plucked the bag up between his lips and stood. Victorious. Sort of.

So we did what any slightly drunk party goers would do. We cut the rest of the lip off the bag, placing just the bottom of it on the ground. It was completely flat. The Willis pulled her curtsy move again and popped back up, immediately. Her boyfriend struggled, but still managed to get the thing.

Now what?


Yeah, that ended in both of them nearly face planting. I'm sure my downstairs neighbors love me right about now. We had to call it a tie.

After one more drinking game, in which I took a shot of tequila to avoid having to drink 40 drinks of my vodka/Bailey's cocktail, we called it a night. That tequila pushed me right over the edge. And I spent some quality time with the toilet after that.

When I woke up in the morning, I found that my friends had cleaned my kitchen, almost entirely, even going so far as to run the dishwasher, put away the dishes, and run the thing again. I love you guys. Seriously. LOVE.

But really, none of you could bother to fix the garbage disposal? My sink nearly overflowed twice. Geez...

I keed! I should really call that in, huh?


Jay Ferris said...

Why is it that in Shine's house, it's not a party until somebody has their face buried in the carpet?

Travis said...

I'm gonna go ahead and give this a classy. Just because you started out with the best of intentions.

M said...

Ok, your post was awesome. And then I read Jay Ferris' comment and, well. I read it the dirty way. And it was perfectly suited to your post.

Hope you're feeling better today!

Graygrrrl said...

I told you to call about that disposal!! get to it!

LiLu said...

I'm pretty sure you were at my place this weekend.

Joanna said...

I don't know if I've seen them compete against each other. Usually they're A TEAM BENT ON MY DESTRUCTION.

Just A Girl said...

I'm hungry so you lost me at all the food. GIMME! And I would have fallen on my face before the paper bag even got cut. I'm smooth like that.

f.B said...

Never played that before. I'm gonna try it next time we have a party. Except I'm gonna rig it and cheat so that I win, of course.

Ed Adams said...

I've played this exact game before, only there was a Twister map and we were naked. Okay, maybe it wasn't the same game. And maybe I was in prison. But basically it was the same.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

OK, the paper bag game is really fucking hard.

Mega8815 said...

What an idea for a game! Thanx for sharing. You're making me wanna throw a dinner party... And soon.

The food sounds so yummy! Mmmmmmm

Gofahne said...

As an attendee, I must say the game was a major highlight but did NOT trump the food. Even as the 2nd shortest contender, I was out in the same round as Shine. Stupid no friction. It seems you must have frogger like flexibility to win this thing. It was worth every laugh!

P.S. Thanks for imagining I'm taller.

P.P.S. The Willis' bf DID in fact attempt to fix the disposal and I know at least two of us attempted cleaning it out, basically because we are amazing. You my dear did not know as the tequila had already taken over.