11 September 2009

It's Friday, we should break up - That guy with the Hitler mustache I met at the bar last night (UPDATED)

(Oh, dear. It's 9/11 and I just now realized. Moment of silence.)

Some (most) of my friends get a real kick out of hanging out with me because I'm not scared to go up and ask anyone anything. And last night was a prime example.

First, I watched my Titans lose in overtime to the damn Steelers. Troy Polamalu? Please stop being so awesome (and on the wrong team) or I will have to lick your face. This is not a joke.

I was sitting on a patio, enjoying a beer and some insanely nice weather when, suddenly, three extras from Robert Palmer's Addicted to Love video (embedding disabled by request, bastards) walked by in the parking lot.

My friend DD was like, "Um...what the hell?"

So we stared awkwardly as they walked across the parking lot. And I do mean awkwardly.

Me: "Do you think they know they're dressed like the chicks from the Robert Palmer video?"

DD: "I don't know..."

Me: "Should I go ask?"

DD: "I will buy your next drink if you do. Please do!"

Shit. I ain't scurred.

I walked over as they were getting in their car.

"Um, hi! Excuse me. I'm sorry. But...are you dressed like the ladies of Robert Palmer on purpose?"

As it turned out they were doing a roller derby photo shoot with a Robert Palmer Addicted to Love theme. YES! I love roller derby. I would be doing it right now if I knew how to skate. Or had time for practice. Because I? Look good in some fishnets.

With that mystery solved, DD and I proceeded to do some karaoke. Yes, we're that lame. And we love to be that lame. Shut it.

Sometime in the middle, our bar - our awesome, laid back, not full of douchebags bar - flooded with what appeared to be preppy, yuppy Greeks (You understand here that I mean fraternities and sororities, not people from actual Greece. That would have actually been kind of cool.) from our local private university (we assume, because we're assumers).

Me: "Uh, what are all these pretty people doing in our bar?"

DD: "One of them is walking around with a Hitler mustache."

Me: "NO! Why? I'm going to go find him."

DD: "YES!"

I started searching through the crowd to find this mustached man. It took me more than a little while because he was about five-feet tall, but all his friends were of at least average height. Finally, the only guy I hadn't checked was the tiny one. He had his back to me, so I tapped him on the shoulder.

Me: "Eureka! Uh, what's the deal with your mustache? Please tell me that's an Inglorious Basterds thing (You STILL haven't seen it? Go see it!) and not a Hitler thing."

(In case you live under a rock and somehow don't know what Hitler's mustache looked like...)

Him: "It's not a Hitler thing. I don't want to be like Hitler. Or Obama...since they're basically the same person." (This was said with a great amount of disgust.)

Me: "Turn back around before I punch you in the vagina."

Cue walking away.

Uh, really, dude? Obama is just like HITLER? That doesn't even make sense. Does it? Someone explain it to me. I'm just not smart enough to figure it out.

My awesome friend Joanna posted a link to this in the comments, but I know no one else will likely bother to paste it into their browser to see it. So here it is.


Jeff said...

hitler = general item of disdain for political figures. bush was compared to hitler, obama is compared to hitler, and i don't think any of it makes sense. everyone knows hitler was a painter, and neither bush nor obama paints.

Children of the 90s said...

I don't think either of them are vegetarians, either. Go figure.

M said...

"from our local private university" - I hate those kids. I will leave if they show up some place.

The Hitler references are offensive no matter which politician you're American president has ever been so grossly prejudiced and evil. If you want to make Hitler references, how about we talk about Darfur? Get real people.

Jay Ferris said...

It's a shame that Hitler had to ruin such a classy style of facial hair for everyone. Thankfully the mustache I'm currently sporting wasn't at all tarnished by the man who first made it popular, one Charlie Chaplin.

Renee said...

smu kids suck! i would have punched him in the flying V anyway.
(okay okay not ALL SMUers suck. just the really really obnoxious ones.)

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

In addition to ruining a perfectly fine little piece of facial hair, Hitler ruined the swastika, which was in use as a heraldic symbol since the Dark Ages.

The Socialized medicine thing is where the Hitler/Obama comparisons are supposed to be, but like the person above noted, politicians are always likened to Hitler.

txsjewels said...

punch you in the vagina. !bwah! you crack me up. thanks.

Ed Adams said...

Not sure those fishnets would hide that fugly knee of yours, Shine.

However, I give Hitler props. He popularized one of my favorite pubic hair styles for ladies.

Graygrrrl said...

Neither of those presidents was obsessed with midgets either (though the jury is still out on W).
Please tell me this happened at our fav Thursday night spot. I cannot believe I stayed home! I am kicking myself right now!!!

Alice said...

oh man, i am definitely stealing that line next time i hear someone call obama hitler. not kidding.

(also? my friends enjoy having me around because i'm the one who will go up to anyone in a bar as well. whee!)

FilmFemme said...

I'm so confused -- did Obama grow a mustache?

Trooper Thorn said...

That man is so misguided. To the best of my knowledge, Obama has not once tried to annex the Sudetenland.

moooooog35 said...


They're both white, German dictators who killed millions of Jews. in the 1940's.


Just A Girl said...

Dude that's basically the best possible thing you could have said. I would have just looked at him like "Um, cunt, I asked about your mustache, not your feelings on the president so maybe shut your stupid face." That makes me the most angry because it doesn't even make sense for him to say it. Fuck.

Joanna said...

Why can't I post photos in comments?! Ugh. Here, have a link.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Calvin - "So what did you do last night?"'
Shine - "Met a guy with a Hitler mustache."
Calvin - "I smell another emmy!"
Shine - "How are these every even a show?"
Calvin - "Hey, you just keep living in and I will keep writing it and together baby we will make our way to the top."

cool as folk said...

A few months ago, I saw a few guys in my area sporting Hitler 'staches. Very interesting. I think they wanted to set a trend or somethin'.

mysterg said...

I do a mean karaoke version of 'Addicted to Love', if only I had been there! I could have been Robert Palmer for the night! What a wasted opportunity...

Gorilla Bananas said...

Barry Obama is nothing like Hitler, his suntan is too deep and he's got a pair of balls. The Greek guy must have confused him with Charlie Chaplin. Hitler liked to watch women urinate.

LiLu said...

WTF. You are a magnet for the weirdest people ever.

Like me.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I think you need to post more things about Hitler and Obama because, really, the comments here are golden.

Kind of like the showers Hitler liked to give.

Mega8815 said...

LOL!! You're just like I am in my group of friends. I'm always the big mouth. Sh!t. HEHE

Glad you enjoyed yourself sweetie

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