Dear Men in My Office,
Let's consider changing our diets, shall we? Your shit smells like death. Here are some interesting facts about poop. Let's ponder them together while eating more fruits and vegetables, hmmm?
I'd like to be able to breathe while sitting at my desk,
I'm about sick of you. Please behave or I'll be forced to sell you for parts. Not that your parts are worth anything. Also, if you could buy yourself new tires since you just drained my bank account, that would be wonderful.
I don't like you very much,
Please stop trying to be something you're not. Isn't it bad enough that I have to know which character from Friends all my Facebook friends would be? Do I really need to know this about my fellow Twatters? The answer is no. I just don't. Of course I also don't really need to know what they ate for dinner or that they've just picked up their dry cleaning, but that's a matter I'll take up with them.
Please remedy this quiz situation immediately,
I've been handed enough lemons. I've made enough damn lemonade. In the future, please just send the lemonade. Or better yet, a milkshake. Actually, I think maybe you just sent me one. Don't worry, I appreciate it. But I'm still looking for the lemons.
Stop being so shitty about the news you got recently. A success for someone else does not mean a failure for you. Be happy for the other person. Even if it does feel like a kick in the teeth. You're working hard and you'll have your day. It will happen. See previous letter to Life, above.
That's enough missy,