30 September 2009

Wednesday Wipeouts

First let me say this: I'm also helping Jeff over at This is Why Your Hold Time is So Long today. He asked me to come up with the rules of etiquette for the ladies' room. So yeah, you heard it right: Jeff and I put our brains together to give you a list of bathroom rules. I'm scared, too.


I'm not sure how much longer Wednesday Wipeouts will last, so enjoy 'em while you get 'em.

I particularly enjoyed this message. It came to me from a man with "daddy" in his profile name. And no picture.

Subject: hey there

5 10 160lbs (32" waist) athletic 45yo (eek!!). Clean, ddf and safe, (still married tho separate bedrooms 8 yrs now and an open marriage) courteous :o) non smoking, (though I don't care if you do) open minded, fun English guy (you'll love the accent) living in [you don't need to know], just north of [somewhere] and south of [somewhere else], looking for a mature, longterm, exclusive friend I can spoil, exclusive and hopefully permanently
All the info you need to contact me is here.
Please get in touch if your interested in me despite my dysfunctional life, send a email here or hotmail and I will get in touch.add me on yahoo messenger as [is it bad that I kind of wanted to leave this one in here?]
meet me - u might even like me! lol
I'd love to take you to lunch/dinner/coffee w/e you're more comfortable with. Sometimes older is better :o)
lets exchange some pics if ur interested and open minded enough and then maybe we can meet for coffee
Hope you have a great weekend!
[phone number] I will ALWAYS reply - if you dont receive one please resend as my cell was prolly powered off :o)
I'm sorry if my email freaks you out - but I simply want to be totally honest and up front from the get go

I know. It's shocking I didn't call him, right?

Also, my dearest Gofahne had me in stitches with tale of a horrible date. While I wish I could share it with you here today, alas, she has to write about it herself. And she's still...traumatized. Let's just say the words "I love my penis" (completely out of the blue) were the highlight of the evening. Well, I mean, aside from it being over.


M said...

I knew a guy like this. Not married, but had a live-in girlfriend but still wanted to meet me in Vegas for a weekend of "fun." Seriously?

Older men are creepy sometimes.

ftcs said...

haha you didn't call him but come on you at least were open minded enough to send some pics right? I love my penis! oh sorry that just blurts out every now and then.

Phronk said...

I can only dream of one day having a mature longterm exclusive friend.

Butterbean said...

wtf!? you didn't call him!? he sounds like a gem! i would have snatched that *ish up right away! send me his number and i'll call him! screw my hubby, the future looks SO much brighter with this guy!

Losing It said...

oh come on! who doesn't want to end up as a permanent piece of tail?

Lemmonex said...

Sometimes older is better but not when he lives with his wife.

Jay Ferris said...

DDF? Doesn't Date Furries?


Ed Adams said...

Girl, what the HELL are you putting on your profile? Why do you just keep getting contacted by these Freaks?

The Peach Tart said...

Imagine that. I love penis too.

Children of the 90s said...

I always wonder if anyone actually contacts these people thinking, wow, sounds like a winner. It's a frightening thought.

Gofahne said...

Ed, I is NOT just Shine. I have laughed as much as anyone else at her stories. I even had her revise her profile to help keep off the freaks. BUT, as she mentioned I had the worst date of my life this week and I swear it's NOT her. It's something in the water here. When I can write about what I went through, it's going to be one for the record books! She said correctly that "I love my penis" was actually the BEST part of my evening.

Just A Girl said...

Plenty of girls would respond to that. But he's on the wrong site. Tell him he wants

Jeff said...

shine, ed brings up a good point, what do you have on your profile that might be weirdo bait? you know, besides the fact that you have a vagina and are single

Life in the Cube said...

At least he is honest that he is a freak.

LiLu said...

"I will ALWAYS reply - if you dont receive one please resend as my cell was prolly powered off :o)"


f.B said...

"still married tho separate bedrooms 8 yrs now and an open marriage"

8 years. 8 years? Are they waiting for their toddler to leave for college?

cool as folk said...

He lives with his wife? Charming. Maybe she'll join for a threesome.

Mega8815 said...

That is so disturbing in so many ways. I'm dumbfounded. Not the first time I've seen something like this though. Urgh!

The terrifying thing is... he probably looks like an average Joe but really he's halfway to sexual phsycho beast... or is that too harsh?

You know what - he's just desperate. Feel sorry for him. Shame.

Jet said...

I got the EXACT same email a few weeks ago. Cut and paste, anyone? :P