24 August 2009

You look great, but I? Am a fat cow.*

I just had possibly one of the best weekends ever. Aside from falling off a step trying to get Thai takeout and busting my knee. Which originally looked like this:

And now, looks like this:

You're welcome. And just to further gross you out, it won't stop oozing. It oozed in my bed last night and when I woke up this morning, the hairs that I had shed in my bed were all crusted in the ooze (What? It's TMI Monday!). Yummy.

Friday night was amazing. Inglorious Basterds was truly glorious (and seeing it with Graygrrrl made it that much better! A serious case of the giggles had by all). As of right now, it is my new favorite Tarantino movie. Brad Pitt was fucking genius. GENIUS. It was bloody and gutsy and just the right amount of random, useless, over-the-top violence. Then I met @gaveupthefight and friends (Really, too many to name. She is one popular woman) at the club for some booty shakin'. And booty shake we did. Only got better when the Pretty Bitch (she loves it when I call her this, I swear! Maybe), @nataliecottrell showed up. She may be gorgeous, but man is she hilarious. We danced until our clothes were soaked.

Saturday I met up with @mouthful, Little Ring, and Chihuahua Balls for rock climbing and hot wings. Also, 34 ounces of everclear lemonade. Such a great idea, considering I was going on a HUGE pubcrawl later that day. Here are the rocks I climbed. I was considering getting some action shots, but it's just awkward to keep up with a camera while climbing. You'll just have to trust me that my ass is MAGIC in my climbing harness (this is a lie).

Saturday evening, I attended the Dallas Becomes Chicago Pub Crawl. I had a fan-fucking-tastic time with @beckbee, @mikerehyer and about 200 or so other people. No really, there were at least 200 people there. The whole thing is public transportation-based. I can only imagine how the regular patrons of the DART rail felt about 200 people in matching Tshirts flooding the train all night.

One of our stops was Lee Harvey's. A great little bar with a huge outdoor area where people can bring dogs and stuff. Barb found a hoola hoop and went to town. The picture's a little blurry, but I think it captures the essence.

We all messed with our shirts at the second bar, to customize them. Mine turned out like this:

With the help of some lovely ladies.

It was a ton of fun and I'm hoping to get to do it again next year.

When I got home on Sunday morning, I. Could. Not. Move. For about five hours. I finally picked myself up off the couch (at 12:30 pm) and went to get Thai food take-out. I missed the step on my way out of the restaurant, which is why my knee looks vaguely like hamburger. My legs just wouldn't hold me up.

I pulled my ass together, though, to make it to @gaveupthefight's pool party. Where everyone promptly said, "Good god, woman, what the hell happened to your knee?!?"

My response? "There was a step."

Signature drink of the day? Brandy's Tall Paul. It was DELICIOUS. I saw it on her blog and I've been wanting to try it ever since. It was a huge hit and everyone loved it. Thanks, Brandy!

Needless to say, I couldn't really get in the pool. Motorboater made an appearance and felt the need to apologize for his behavior last Saturday. Can someone please just let him know that saying nothing is better than being a dick and apologizing later? I've had enough. Also the fact that I jumped six feet in the air when he touched my back should probably have been some kind of indication that I'm particularly interested in him being anywhere near me.

The second pool party of the day was also a blast. However, I learned that beer pong? Not so fun to watch. And it takes a really long time.

And today? I'm exhausted.

*This is in reference to one of the skinniest girls I know taking diet pills because she's decided she's fat. Seriously, at least complain about it to a skinny person. I don't want to hear it. Your waist is the size of my thigh. And said girl is GORGEOUS anyway. I might have to slap her. Then we probably won't be friends, and I love her too much for that already.


Organic Meatbag said...

Hot knee wound action! Hehehehe....

Jay Ferris said...

It's the closest thing you've posted to zombie porn yet, and drunken debaucherous zombie porn at that!

Mary said...

My knees have looked like that on several occasions. The sad part is, I'm always sober.

In reference to your *in reference, what a bitch! Maybe you should slap her. Cause who wants friends like that? ;)

Sounds like lots of fun! I have yet to do my first pub crawl...I think I might die.

LiLu said...

I feel better about my purple toenail now, a la the move. So, thanks for that.

Antelope said...

I'm starting to think you're too cool for me to be hanging out on your blog. I'll continue as the pathetic wannabe though in the hopes of more scab pictures. They make me oddly hungry.

Travis said...

That is a fine knee.

Tony said...

If you were in fact, a cow, then we would just go ahead and slaughter you and slice you up into steaks to feed some texans due to your busted-up knee. No need to slow down the rest of the the heard with a lame Heifer. Not really sure if that makes you feel better, but it's funny nonetheless. Love ya!

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...


that cut looks like one that would bubble the shit up with peroxide. am i right?

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

In my next life I am coming back as your liver so I can live fast and die young. And I got that knee beat with the crescent shaped slice I got on my arm below the elbow. Didn't get the twenty stitches like I should because I want to see if I heal like a gekko.

Anonymous said...

DAMN IT! I was going to see the bastards, but had to be at a dinner with my ex. FML, someone needs to shoot me. Just sayin.

Scarlet Begonias said...

as if the hangover wasn't bad enough. you're poor knee!

lemmonex said...

Injuries least we can think about IB and Brad Pitt.

Beckbee said...

btw, pub crawling with you was insane fun. Next time, I will down a red bull so I can keep up with you!

Graygrrrl said...

You were there Sunday?? How did I miss you?

Margaret Benbow said...

I'm so sorry about your knee! I won't insult you by calling it an Owwie or a Booboo--this is a wound, girl. One thing--don't worry about the ooze coming out. When this happened to me, a doctor explained that the ooze is Serum (not pus) and is part of the healing process. I hope you feel better fast.