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21 August 2009

It's Friday, we should break up - Dating

(Today, my funny is gone. Feel free to skip this one.)

I think maybe I'm done trying to date. I suck at it and I'm picky and it just hasn't been working out for me.

I can't seem to find a happy medium between emotionally unavailable and cries at Disney movies. It's exhausting. I'm kind of a man when it comes to feelings and relationships. At least at the beginning. I don't like to talk about my feelings, so I probably don't want to hear about yours right away.

I had dinner with one of my best friends @newslacker this week and he basically told me I was being a little too hard on boys. Especially for talking about their feelings. He's kind of a sensitive guy and I'm okay with that. It's not that I'm uncaring. I just don't want you to tell me you love me on the second date. Or say that you think we're involved after we've been out once. Or introduce me to your mom after three dates.

I just want things to happen the way they happen. No pushing. Just LET IT BE WHAT IT IS.

Is that so wrong?

I know I probably seem like kind of a bitch. But I'm really not. I just miss feeling the butterflies, you know? And until I feel them, I don't want to hear about your feelings.

Also, this: (Sorry boys, it's Sex and the City, but it totally describes how I feel right now for some reason.)



Now...where can I find some of those butterflies?

12 comments:

LiLu said...

I use SATC all the time. Yes, it is corny, yes, it is girly, but sometimes? It is just DEAD FUCKING ON.

repliderium.com said...

I agree! I'd much rather be seen as the bitch than have to deal with a bit drippy "I love you" before they even know who the hell I am.
puke!

brandon said...

never ever apologize for using SATC - as a reference - this is one "boy" who believes in it.

and i support your "break-up" with dating - getting to know someone and spending time with them should be natural and not a chore - that in between guy who will let you be fiercely independent yet still get butterflies when he touches your arm is out there - but maybe you have to stop looking for him and let him find you.

Phronk said...

Dating blows. I prefer to let those butterflies hatch naturally. I'm sure you'll find someone with the right level of feeling-sharing when you least expect it, and you'll both say "I love you" at exactly the same time, and you'll live happily ever after.

Desiree Aubigny said...

In the end doesn't it all come down to butterflies? Dating should be an adventure. Never work. Unless you work with your boyfriend (or for him in my case). Despite my digression, don't give up on the butterfly feeling.

When you aren't looking for it, shit happens. It's true.

Antje Spethmann said...

You know I don't date...
I just go places and meet people and sometimes they let me bring them home... and sometimes 18 months (or many years) later, what developed has run its course.

Graygrrrl said...

Here here!! I have no idea how I'm supposed to act or even if what I'm on is really a date or not. How do people do this? I just feel socially retarded

mysterg said...

We'll make a pact - no emotional crap (or lack of) from us and no following 'rules' from you. Deal?

Travis said...

Eh. Fuck em all. I don't mean that literally, but if you want to, go ahead I guess. Also, to the side, I'm reading a tweet about Rachael Ray naked. I'm down, but only if she can't talk.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

I am totally with you. I am pathologically distrustful of anyone who says they like me that much that soon. I have lived with me a long time, well most of my life, so I know what I am. How can I respect you if you choose to ignore my flaws just cause you are so insecure? I know you can do better. Have that same healthy contempt for me and my feelings that I have about most of the world's. Then we got something we can build on. When I see you putting up with my shit as I put up with yours its genuine. Its took the cat a good decade to warm up to me and we have a great relationship now. For that reason I couldn't have a dog. Dogs just give it away. Girl you keep doing what you are doing. Pull the pin the first sign of emotion and walk away. Eventually ONE of us 'modern' apes will get the message and save that gooey stuff for when we can really use it to get out of the stuff you want us to do. Thats the way it should be. Thats the girl I would take a bullet for. Of course it would be coming from her gun but you get my point.

standingonthebrink said...

Hey, I know exactly what you mean. I had completely given up on looking for a man, going out for drinks with some guy in order to audition him only to find he was a raging Tory/emotionally insecure and needy/a wannabe rapist/other total shit and meanwhile feeling like I was being auditioned myself. I just thought to myself, hey, I'm single, that's fine. I've always been wary of committed relationsihps because it seemed to me like I'd be expected to give up on too much of my independence and pack away too much of who I was into too many compartments at the back of my mind. I didn't want to compromise my total freedom for anyone, and I was honestly prepared to keep that attitude for most of the next decade because it seemed to me like all the men I met were emotionally clumsy fuckwits , or deliberately selfish, manipulative c**ts.

So, yes, I broke up with dating. And then a few months later I was at a houseparty, absolutely wrecked, and there was P. And he isn't a shit, and he isn't anything like guys I'e liked in the past, and I just unwittingly stumbled upon him, and yes, there are butterflies by the billions. We're taking things as they come, one day at a time, no-one has said 'I love you' yet, parents have been met but only because we're both students who both still spend summers at our parents' houses rather than as a Big Deal.

The point being, let it lie, let life happen to you. You never know who you will meet, or how, or when. And yeah, wait for the butterflies. That's my experience, anyway. I've had five years during which all the men I met were utterly pathetic puppy-dogs, or wittingly or unwittingly cruel; and then purely by accident I meet someone who means well, tells the truth, and doesn't take any shit from me.

That said, I'm a twenty-year-old university student. What the hell do I know about any of this?

Mega8815 said...

I also want some of them flutterby's... Butterflies! Shit!

I hate feeling like this... Good luck to you and me then...