07 August 2009

It's Friday, we should break up - Texting

Truth? I love texting as much as the next person. Mostly because I sort of hate talking on the phone. It gets all hot and then makes my face all hot and the battery dies and I don't have very many minutes.

(Oh, I'm also totally breaking up with McDonald's...for yesterday's reasons.)

Here's the thing, though, guys. And I want you to listen carefully.

Are you listening? I mean, reading, actually. Are you reading?


I kind of already hate internet speak. It already gives me a headache when people don't know when to use "your" and when to use "you're." I don't understand the point of putting a "2" in place of "to." At all. That's saving you, what? A fraction of a second? If that?

So if you're trying to get in my pants, texting me "yo yo ms shine wat u doin 2nite" just isn't going to help matters. In fact, that's a sure-fire way to guarantee you'll never hear from me again.

From now on, I'm pretty much going to have to require all men to send me a text message before I agree to go out with them.

In other news, the youngster texted me at midnight-thirty last night. "What r u up too? Want to meet up?" ( was "too." I'm never going to have another boyfriend as long as I live if I keep this up, I realize.)

He does realize that I realize that this means, "I'm not getting any anywhere else tonight, wanna have sex?" right? The funniest part? I said no, that I was going to bed because it was late and I had to be up early, blah blah. And then he sent me this: "I got a new phone, so I lost your number for sometime." And then what? The phone number fairy dropped it off for you? I'm not buying that at all. Don't bother making up excuses for why you haven't called me in a while...I was thrilled when you stopped. Actually, the only reason I responded was because I had sort of forgotten who he was. Oops. Proceed with the blowing off. Part deux.

Look, it's okay to be picky. Picky is how you don't end up with another douchey boyfriend. I promise.


LiLu said...

I'm a huge fan of picky. Except with food. Other than that, it's a good rule for life.

Mary said...

I can't stand that internet speak either! I'm a total grammar nazi. You're a girl who knows what she wants (not an idiot). Sounds good to me :)

Alice Kildaire said...

I should have had you in on a recent debate that began when someone made the statement "I hate the words lol and wow." Before we know it, this crap is going to be in the dictionary! I nearly hit the roof the other day when I received an email with the same sort of jargon. Seriously? You have a flipping keyboard AND spellcheck and this is the kind of crap you're sending me? So much for improving communication!

Travis said...

I don't talk to people who text me like that. The only real thing I'm guilty of is saying "prolly." Annoying, I know. I once had someone text me with NO vowels. I cannot even begin to tell you how ridiculous it was! You and I would make great texting buddies! And since I live in Oklahoma, and I'm married, for sure, you won't get any midnight thirty booty texts. I can promise you that. I'd need at least 5 or 6 hours to get down there. You'd probably get my booty text at 5 PM... :)

peterdewolf said...

I am very picky about my texting. I spell everything out and use proper punctuation.

Antje Spethmann said...

someone sent me this in email the other day: <3
I thought he was showing me his ass. Really, it was supposed to be a heart.
I am so lame.

Desiree Aubigny said...

Picky is good! I am somewhat anti-texting but oddly addicted to BBM; they are different! A man will really win my heart over if he and I can sustain an email conversation at the rate of 20 emails/hour and in business speak. Does that make a dried up old-young person?

Jay Ferris said...

This is what you get for picking up boys at high school parties.

mysterg said...

Hate text speak, slang and poor grammar. Partly as I don't understand it. Or know how to use it. And partly because it's idiotic.

My rule is: If you can't communicate properly don't communicate with me at all!

Stevie said...

Dude. I'm right there with you. There is no excuse for poor grammar and I absolutely HATE internet speak.

Graygrrrl said...

I have to agree, although I am guilty of typing "b" and "r" instead of "be" and "are", mostly because it curbs my dyslexia and sending out texts like, "What ar you doing?". For serious!
PS- I don't care what Websters now says, "irregardless" is not a word. Tell your friends!

adriana said...

I hate the Internet speak, too. There's a woman I work with who always uses "u" and "2" in emails, and it bugs the crap out of me!

Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

You keep your standards for as long as your ratted out housecoat and house full of cats lets you. I too hate those people with their muscular thumbs and poor grammer. Home row baby...home row! I didn't suffer through years of Mr Chudobiak's typing classes to now give up my blinding speed to some fad. Fuck twitter and fuck texting. This old bastard is gonna die with my keyboard stuck to my cold dead hands.

Joe said...

That tmi story was so funny, and so honest that I think might now actually have a crush on you simply becaus of it!
I completly agree with you on the short hand that so many people use when they send emails or text messages, that Pissess me off!
I think you are now my new favourite blog female, sorry monkey girl.

Johnny Virgil said...

I once received an e-mail message at work like that -- as a joke, I replied the same way, but she didn't even notice I was making fun of her.