Friday night, Cheese met me at my apartment, and we went to the bar across the street. It's been open for months, but I'd yet to have a beer there. I'd heard from Graygrrrl that it was a lot like our old home, Ben's Halfyard House. EXCITEMENT!
I will say this: I'm not sure I agree. The members of the service staff I encountered were almost exclusively a new brand of stupid. With the exception of one waitress. I didn't talk to the bartender, though. I'm willing to give it the benefit of the doubt, though as I can WALK HOME FROM THE BAR.
Cheese and I sat down at a booth and inspected the menu. Typical bar food and a selection of pizzas. At the bottom of the menu, we found some delicious sounding calzones and desserts. Oddly these were all priced $0.00. Yay! Free food!
I ordered a salad and a Shiner (I promise that I'm telling you this for a reason) and Cheese ordered a spinach and mushroom calzone and a Boddington's pear apple Guinness cider pale ale (she actually ordered this once because she got all intimidated by the taps and I'm determined to never let her forget it...in related news, Cheese does not like beer.)
The waitress looked down at Cheese and said, "Um. We don't have calzones."
So apparently $0.00 means "we don't have calzones," not "calzones are free." My dreams of dessert walked out the door in that moment (aside from the cupcake Cheese brought me from the stash I bought her for her birthday).
Cheese ordered a (cheese) pizza instead and we moved on with our lives.
It turned out that Cheese knew someone at the bar. When he walked by the first time, she yelled (completely out of the blue, you understand), "Donny Baseball!"
To which I replied, "I like hockey pucks!"
What? I thought we were yelling out random sports crap.
She went out to smoke with "Donny Baseball," and I overheard THE MOST AWESOME CONVERSATION OF THE WEEK.
There were a couple of dudes sitting at the bar behind our booth and they kept yelling out weird stuff like "I didn't sign up to be in no swingers' party" and "I don't need nobody looking at me like that." No idea what any of that was about, but when Cheese left, I started listening in.
At this point, they were flirting with one of the waitresses. Always a good plan. Of course, I didn't realize the genius I was hearing at first. But then...
"I don't wanna make this all sexual. I want to like know you. Like really know you. Like know you're favorite color and shit. The real stuff. I don't want to cloud that by making things all sexual right now. What is your favorite color?"
This is all being said by the guy who was shouting about swingers' parties, while the waitress is practically sitting in his friend's lap.
The waitress apparently relayed her favorite color, because the guy said to his friend, "Look how she just threw that out there like that?"
As though favorite colors are the stuff secrets are made of. Actually, my favorite color is a secret from now on. Please forget that you know my favorite color is orange. Thanks.
Then he says to the waitress, "You know, there's a good chance I'm going to remember that shit later. But I'm not going to ask you any more questions because I don't want to lose that one. So I can know you. You know. For real."
Then he and his friends hugged the poor girl until I suspect she couldn't breathe and left.
The weirdest thing? I think the waitress was actually flattered.
I'd also like to add that my hair was doing this SEXY BEAST volume thing (What? I'm modest!). Like so:
And this is me, doing my best Jodi Sawyer impression (From Center Stage. Shut up Jay). I think I rock. Oh, let me explain. Jodi Sawyer only becomes a good dancer when she bites her lip (the night before her birthday, Cheese may or may not have done this about 75 times at her apartment after she took her Ambien. Also, she not only tried to kick my iPhone's ass, she practically licked it. It still hasn't recovered). Seriously. So I was doing my best:
There's a picture of Cheese doing her best, but I suspect she'd kill me for posting it. So I'll keep it to myself.