15 June 2009


This post is something I wrote about my last apartment complex. My new apartment complex is nothing like this. Yay!

According to, serendipity is:

1. an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident.
2. good fortune; luck

According to me serendipity is:

A horrible place to live. (And a not-so-great chick flick starring John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale.)

My apartments are called "Serendipity." I have to disagree with the naming, unless horrible smells, unfinished floors, missing drawers, horrible tasting water, constant loud music, people, and parties, and unfounded threats to turn off your electric bill "desirable discoveries by accident." I do not.

My apartment constantly smells of pot and Mexican food. I know what you're thinking, could there be a better combination? Yeah, I don't smoke pot, and I only want to smell Mexican food if I'm at a Mexican restaurant. It's not at all appetizing while I'm taking a shower. I asked them to fix it. I don't even think they ever came by for a whiff.

When I moved in my kitchen cabinets were missing two drawers. There are only three drawers total. It took almost three months to get the missing drawers. They tried to act like they had to order I have custom cabinets. Please.

When I moved in, the floor under my dishwasher, stove and refrigerator was unfinished. Unpleasantly unfinished. That was nine months ago. The floor is still unfinished. I was told it was because when they have to move the appliances in, they needed that room. And I get that. But every other builder in the world has figured out how to finish the floor after installing the appliances. Why can't you? It's not like you're going to take them out and put them back once a week.

They decided to be cute and have all the light fixtures, with ceiling fans on remote controls. It's a great idea. Unless, of course, you don't bother to think out the fact that there are only so many codes for the signals, and my remote can work the fixtures in about 100 apartments. So at 4 am when I'm sleeping, but the girl downstairs is just getting home, you guessed it, she flips on my lights with hers. They came around a month ago and "fixed" the problem. In one room. It still happens in all the others.

When I moved in, my door was unpainted with no peep hole. My door frame consisted of several raw pieces of plywood. Stylish, eh? About three months or so after I moved in, they came by and painted my door frame to match the walls. Then a month after that, they came over and painted my door. Shut. They painted my door shut. I literally had to get assistance to get in my apartment. Then, a couple of weeks later, they came by and painted several splotches of a lighter color on my door frame. It has been that way for 4 months. They did install a peephole, though, so I guess I shouldn't complain.

Most of the other tenants in my building seem to know each other. One of them works for the apartment complex. He's the guy who gave me the brilliant explanation for my unfinished floor. He and all his buddies have a party every Friday night, in which they all stand outside, blocking various exits, shouting at the top of their lungs, and smoking. It's vile. And no one calls them on it because dude works at the apartment complex.

You know those drainage pipes that lead down the building from the roof, so that the water all comes down in an organized fashion? I'm sure you know what I mean. Well, at the bottom of those pipes, people often put these little...I don't know what to call them. Slanty pieces of concrete so that the water will run out and not just stop and puddle all in one place. Theoretically. You know the things I mean, I'm sure you've see them. Well, the dudes at my complex installed them backwards. So the slopes are facing toward the foundations of the buildings, rather than directing the water away. The cherry on that cake? They also left all the stickers with the pictures that show exactly how those things are supposed to be installed. Go Team!

Nearly all of the maintenance guys are skeezy and make nasty comments when I walk by, while looking at me as though I have no clothes on. It's lovely to come home.

I'm posting this because today, when I got home from work, they had put a notice on my door threatening to turn off my electricity. Why, you ask? Because I have an outstanding balance! Apparently, when I moved in, they didn't credit me for paying my pet deposit. I paid it. They just didn't record it. So I go in there, and the lady in the office says, "Oh, you didn't pay your pet fee." Like hell I didn't. She's currently going through her files, because they're not smart enough to see that when I make my monthly payments they're for my rent and my utilities. So I have a huge rent credit, but it looks like I've never paid my electric bill, save for once or twice. Plus, they never recorded my pet deposit.

See, every month, I get this notice on my door telling me they're going to turn off my electricity because I haven't paid my bill. Assholes that they are, they decided it would be really cute to have my electric bill due two days before my rent every month, so instead of just being able to make one payment, I'm supposed to make two. I refuse. I'm not fucking doing it. I will make one payment. It will include both my rent and my utilities, but I'm only doing it once. Fuck you.

My suggestion to you, friends, is that next time you're looking for an apartment, you think long and hard before deciding on Serendipity.


Organic Meatbag said...

Wow...that is f-u-c-k-e-d up! I will be sure and apply for an apartment there if I feel like I need to experience hell on Earth...

Losing It said...

We have 2 whole extra rooms with a whole bathroom. Would you like to come live here? Free kitten is included!

Alice said...

wow. i lived in a REALLY shitty place, but i think you may have beat me. although we actually DID have our gas turned off (in february. which means no heat or hot water) because while we'd all been paying the one roommate responsible for paying the gas bill, she hadn't bothered to turn any of our money over to the gas co. for SIX MONTHS.

Antelope said...

Ok, you all in the south need to get on the legislation game. Up here it's illegal to turn off a person's heat in the winter. Mostly because of the dying thing I guess, but you could totally argue severe discomfort.

LiLu said...

I am not admitting to liking that movie.

After all, it isn't Thursday.

Jay Ferris said...

Maybe the serendipitous part was all the crazy hookups you had with those Mexican weed smugglers there.

Jeff said...

good news is if you break your lease and just disappear, they're record keeping appears shoddy enough that you have a fairly decent chance of them never finding you

shine said...

Organic Meatbag: I'll send you the website.

Losing it: I'm packing my bags, as I type. Be there in a few!

Alice: I really hope you got rid of that roommate.

Antelope: In Texas, we're more worried about AC in the summer than heat in the winter. I hardly ever even turn my heat on.

LiLu: Let's keep it on the DL.

Jay Ferris: Stop spilling my secrets. I could have you killed. With a porkchop.

Jeff: I managed to wait out my lease. But it was hard. I actually barely set foot in my apartment for the last month and a half.