05 June 2009

It's Friday, we should break up - The Internets*

UPDATE: THERE IS NOTHING SFW ABOUT THE LINK IN THE COMMENTS SECTION. NOTHING. (Sorry, Travis, it's a little late for you...but did "Peepgina" really seem like something that was SFW?) Also, I take no responsibility for what happens to you when you Google "Cake Farts."

Basically, this is how it is, Internets. You're making me dumber.

I can't remember how to spell or do arithmetic. I just had trouble spelling arithmetic. I can't go even five minutes without checking my email. Well, when I'm at work. Oh hell, when I'm just about anywhere (iPhone? You better be on your best behavior or you'll be next**). I know more things about how a cat would speak if a cat could speak than I possibly should (but hardly anything about how a woodchuck would chuck wood). I now know that the cake is a lie when I always thought the cake was truth (I found out about this on the Internets).

Yes, any time I need information, you're there for me. However, the reliability of the information you provide is always questionable at best. I could walk around for years thinking that Christopher Columbus "discovered" America and never be the wiser. Or that the earth is flat. Or that pop rocks and soda will actually explode me if ingested together. What a fool I would be.

I have seen something called a Peepgina and been the witness to cake farts. What is wrong with people? There are no links because...well, there just aren't. I'm breaking up with the Internets, here. I can't link you to the Internets. Except, okay, I guess I'm using the Internets to break up with it. Now I feel like a bitch.

So Internets, this is it. It's been a good run, but I'm going to have to let you go. You've provided me with a lot of laughs and we've had a lot of good times. But, after seeing Two Girls One Cup, I haven't really been able to look at you the same way and I think we both know it. I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding someone else.

*Internets, if you're still listening, this is all a cruel joke and I love you. Please don't leave me. Let's make out.

**We both know this is a lie, iPhone. I love you so much. Never leave me. Or break. Or get lost. Or stolen.


Anonymous said...

this post was both entertaining and informative. i like cake. said...

Sometimes you HAVE to fake a break up in hopes that they will get their shit together. It's healthy, I SWEAR!!!

Antelope said...

I have no idea what any of your references to cake mean, and I really really really really don't want to. Except maybe to make my imagination stop coming up with ideas.

Alice said...

i don't want to know about cake farts. YOU HEAR ME, INTERNET? 2 girls 1 cup was plennnnty.

also, just caught up on the other posts and seriously cannot deal with / process the info re: motorboater's whorey mom.

headbitingprincess said...

I love your blog yay!

Bow Chica Wah Wah said...

OMG I'm such a compulsive email checker that on MY iPhone... I'm constantly refreshing my email to make sure I get emails faster than the PUSH server can even get them to me! lol

FilmFemme said...

I'm so glad the Peepgina got a shout out in this post. Honestly, that was one of the most disturbing things ever. EVER.

John Smith said...

I thought I had a concentration problem, but when I turn of the internet I get a huge amount of work done. So I guess I just have an internet problem.

Jay Ferris said...

If you won't link to the peepgina, THEN I WILL!!

LiLu said...

Excuse me while I go google "cake farts."

SassyGirl said...

The fact that you called it the Internets throughout worries me.
Only because I do it too, except I spell it with a z, as in Internetz.

We need help.

Anonymous said...

This would be a brilliant way to write your farewell post, if you were ever to close this blog, but please don't, because your blog is just hilarious, I love it.

I am trying not to click on the peepgina link. This early in the morning, I might just vomit, because i have no idea what it is and it's bound to be disturbing... Also I have a friend called gina and I doubt I could ever look at her again.

Anonymous said...

I JUST CLICKED ON IT AND I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WOULD DO THAT TO YOUR BODY. It's merely very odd. And it's not as if she's hot, either. But on the upside I didn't throw up or even have the least desire to do so.

shine said...

Anon: Cake is good. I like this theory of yours. The fake out break up.

Antelope: You probably don't want to know anything about cake farts. I'm just guessing.

Alice: Tell me about it. But I haven't heard from him since. So maybe it was a good thing?

headbitingprincess: Thanks!

Bow Chica Wah Wah: I'm right there with you. We need a support group, no?

FilmFemme: That image will never leave my head. The razor burn.

John Smith: This is interesting. Have they done any studies?

JayFerris: Good, then it's still on you! Also, go ahead and google cake farts. You'll like it.

LiLu: I hope we can still be bloggy friends after this...

SassyGirl: I just can't help it. It seems plural to me.

standingonthebrink: I had that thought, too. Also, I'm considering breaking up with myself. We shall see. The peepgina is no two girls one cup, it's just...bizarre. Like I really want to find that chick and just ask, "WHY?!?!?!?!?!"

Travis said...

Wow. I just clicked the link. And I'm at work. And I'm pretty sure imma get fired... But woo. Woo.