06 June 2009

Yeah, I said it.

A collection of random crap I've said this week. Most of it to the same person, actually. I'm shocked that anyone continues to talk to me.

UPDATE: According to a friend talking to me is akin to the whole train wreck situation. You just do it to see what I'll say next. But in a good way. Or something. I don't know, it was kind of confusing, actually.

1. You just...pulled a hand...out of your ass?

2. In my head, you are totally a large-ish black woman with questionable fashion style. A la Jackee. (Said to peterdewolf go read his blog because it's awesome)

3. All I want to do is shout "LEGO my vagina!"

4. It's possible though that he who sucks at Twitter may actually be better at life.

5. I'm not sure how you say "Dude. Your mom? Is kind of a whore..."

6. Dude. The cake is always truth. That Portal game is a lie.

7. My periods keep to themselves. Because they know I want to murder them.

8. I can't spin when I've just grabbed a stranger's ass. I lose all concentration. Oops! I just grabbed your ass!

9. Checking the sexual predator list is always a good time.

10. I heard they were in your backyard on the regular. Look, why wouldn't you look for 1st century civilization in your backyard? If you don't do it, who will? And just think if you found something...It would be really exciting and I could do my dissertation on it even though I don't want to be an archaeologist. So really, it's all about me.

11. How long before it gets weird that I have no idea what your name is?

12. I know. I'm basically Obama. But whiter.

13. Bad grammar is not racially specific. Unless stupid people are their own race.

14. Fish have legs. (I feel like there must have been a reason to say this, but I have no idea what it was...)

15. I'm not old enough for this. Back off. (Said to the 60-year-old man who tried to hit on me.)

16. So that "0" key? On my number pad? Does not function as a space bar. Like ever.

17. Plus, see...your Twitter is like the small, intimate, unplugged venue. You can really cater to your followers. Whatever that might mean. I'm pretty sure it has to do with presents. Personally? I'll take ice cream.

18. Mouthful is pretty kick ass.

19. Oh. Wow. They're subliminal. I just built them right in. (said about exclamation points)

20. I prefer pro-wrestling where the hugging is choreographed.

21. Do I have to eat the baby? Cause that could get awkward.

22. Personally, I think you seem like more of a manscara dude.

23. It's hard to believe, but pretty-ish men on reality television may actually be dumber (and wear more makeup) than pretty-ish women on reality television. Oh Daisy!

24. This chicken was into some kinky stuff.

25. I got a little turned on when I felt my back muscles today. Seriously. Check out my biceps!


Anonymous said...


standingonthebrink said...

My periods know I want to murder them too, but they don't keep to themselves. I gave them the limelight and whinged about them in one of my most ridiculous blog posts ever. Oh, I love having a blog. No rules about anything (except GOOD GRAMMAR FFS - I love that you're a stickler for it).

More importantly these are ALL THINGS I can totally imagine a friend of mine saying, R, who always comes up with daft things like 'It's like someone's trying to suck milk out of it or something. SERIOUSLY guys I am NOT having a baby' [addressed to her own right nipple. Seriously]. And other such gems which are practically unrepeatable partly because trying to write them down causes me to go into complete hysterics and therefore unable to write.

God I am procrastinating. Time to work.

peterdewolf said...

Well I DO have quesitonable fashion style.

shine said...

Anon: You should really be proud of that...and get a name!

standingonthebrink: Procrastination is your friend. Until it's not. I love having a blog, too.

peterdewolf: And SASS, don't forget sass.

Antelope said...

Wow, the "firsties" have made it to your blog. You're, like, famous now.

Also, #8 is the best.

shine said...

Antelope: I know that I feel like I don't know how to say thirsty. Really? 8?