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12 May 2009

No Babies Tuesday

Okay, not really...that would be a hell of a topic to conquer every week though, eh? "Hey guys! I'm not pregnant! Thanks for reading, goodnight." Oh, and you have to have sex to get pregnant. So there's that.

This month I saw both sets of my grandparents. A considerable experience since they are all very fundamentalist Christian and very conservative and being in the room with them tends to make me itchy. But I love them dearly.

And yet, if even one more time, I have to hear the great-grandchildren hint, I might scream.

"You know...I'd like to be alive to see my great-grandchildren..."

"Some great-grandchildren sure would be nice..."

Seriously, you guys aren't that old, okay?

Neither of my grandmothers has even hit 70. I think they still have some time before they croak.

Plus, I don't want to have kids. It's very unlikely that I'll ever have any. Maybe one day, if I'm feeling particularly masochistic, I'd consider adoption. Which, by the way, is a great option, people. It's the same principle as the puppies. Breeders are the enemy here. It's just that I don't have any interest in raising children.

Also, kids are bad for the environment. I'm just putting it out there. Because I totally care about the environment.

Even more than that, I don't want to get married. And I'm pretty sure that both sets of grandparents would choose to disown me before seeing me have any children out of wedlock (pre-marital sex, oh no!), so I'm not even sure why they're broaching the subject. There are no prospective husbands over here, ladies.

So please, dear grandparents, stop barking up this tree. Your other grandchildren are all much better options, trust me.

8 comments:

adriana said...

I'm with you on this one! Well, I plan on getting married. But I'm on the fence with the kid thing. And my grandma is CONSTANTLY asking about the babies. As is every other relative. We had my grandma's 90th birthday party a few months ago and I lost track of the number of times my bf and I were asked when we were getting married and having kids.

PorkStar said...

hahaha well, now that I want kids, it's not gonna happen and my grandma is actually on the brink of calling it quits on life too.

Phronk said...

Whenever grandparents ask this, it's kinda insulting. They've already their own kids, and those kids tried again with their own kids...was twice not good enough? Are they hoping the third time's a charm?

miss clover said...

it's definitely hate on babies week!

on a side note, i actually took a pregnancy test at a walgreens today, but it turns out it really is the stress that is making me feel like i might throw up at any point.

better than a baby!

shine said...

Adriana: At least your boyfriend didn't run screaming in the other direction. I'd take that as a good sign.

PorkStar: It's a bummer, right? But those cute little babies from less-developed countries are available for adoption.

Phronk: Good call. I'll make sure I ask next time. WHY AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH?!?

Miss Clover: Could we make hate on babies week a national holiday?

Kelly said...

Oh psshhh babies are great. If you never ever ever want to have a life again! I guess what I'm saying is that if you are pro-life you won't have kids. :) Excuse me while I go laugh at my stupid shitty boring joke, because I have two kids and ZERO life!

Kelly said...

BTW, I am happily married, but still anti-marriage! Seriously it's dumb! We're more tied together by our finances than by any "God approved" paperwork! We could go file a divorce for like $150, but it would take us years to sort out our house and financial junk. So marriage is dumb, but buying things together is dumber. Life lessons today folks!

Parchemina said...

I have been married for a year and am dreading the more regular questioning about children... I don't want to have any and nor does my husband (phew) but I'm sure people are going to keep asking.