17 April 2009

It's Friday, we should break up - People Who Do Not Understand the Meaning of the Words "Exit Only Lane"

In keeping with blogging tradition, I'm going to start doing a weekly blog on Fridays, in which I break up with people/places/inanimate objects that might have pissed me off. I already have a list a mile long, and the sandwich lady at the grocery store is totally on it.

Today, People Who Do Not Understand the Meaning of the Words "Exit Only Lane," we need to talk. It's not me, it's you. Because of you, it takes me an extra ten minutes to exit the highway each day. You've been warned that you're in an exit only left lane for two miles, but do you care? No.

You drive home from work this way everyday, but you never bother to get out of my lane before that solid white line appears "out of nowhere" and there is a semi sitting next to you, forcing you to sit in your car without motion while I frantically honk and flip you off from mine.

Frankly, my middle finger is exhausted. And it's my favorite finger. (There's a "that's what she said" in there somewhere, isn't there?)

And we do this everyday. Well, every weekday. I suspect you do it on weekends, too, but since it's less traumatic for me, I won't say anything about that.

I understand that the people who designed most of the street and highway systems in Dallas, Texas were clearly on crack. But that's no excuse for you to be a dumbass. Get out of my (would be really convenient) exit only lane (if it weren't for you motherfuckers). I'm sorry that it means that you'll have to sit in more traffic, but maybe you should have thought of that when you moved further south than my exit. Because it's a great exit. And I will roll you next time. In my Saturn.

Be afraid.

Now, I'm off to take the stupid GRE. I will likely be in a really bad mood when I'm done. Just a warning.


Kelly said...

Exit only. Heh, heh, heh.

rs27 said...

My rule of driving is, "One way in, no way out."

I use this in the bedroom too.

I've said too much

miss clover said...

can i get in on this friday break up business? because it is AWESOME.

my middle finger gets tired, too.

Toanny said...

The GRE should not make you cranky! Tests are like hugs, okay?

I'm going to be down yonder way this evening, so call me later so I can come hang with you. I missed you today! *tear*

LiLu said...

"It's not me, it's you."

That's pretty much my mantra in life.


shine (the artist formerly known as meshealle) said...

Kelly: Damn straight!

rs27: Is there such a thing as you saying too much?

miss clover: Yes! I'm starting a calling it a tradition. Or something.

Toanny: Tests are not like hugs. Liar. I asked the GRE for a hug and it scoffed at me and called me a moron.

LiLu: And a good one. Because it's never us, right?