Weekend in Review

I did a lot of drinking this weekend.

Friday night, I went bowling with a couple of girlfriends. The bowling alley was like the Twilight Zone. And no, I don't mean there were sparkly vampires running around. It just wasn't very "bowling alley." (I nearly typed "blowing alley." At least I make myself laugh!)

There were table cloths on the tables and a menu full of $10 entrees. My burger was sooo not worth $10, just in case you were wondering. Anyway, we bowled in style. (You guessed it. I almost typed "we blowed in style.") I even broke 100 in the first game. This almost never happens. Oh, I didn't even throw the ball backwards, nearly breaking my friends' toes. Go me!

After that we went to a bar to hang with some mortgage people. Some guy who is three years younger than my mom tried unsuccessfully (even though I had many beers in my belly at this point) to get in my pants for the rest of the evening.

Saturday I got up early to go to a "Coffee Meet-up Group." Yes, I'm that pathetic. I've decided that maybe it's time to make some new friends, because all my current friends (with the exception of one, and she's in her first year of grad school...and has no life) are couples or marrieds. So I don't have anyone to hang out with on weekends, because they're all doing their couple-y stuff and going to bed at 11:00.

I'm not interested in joining some singles' group and fighting off the douchebags at every turn, so coffee sounded like a safe choice. Safe, maybe, but not normal.

At 10:00, I got to the coffee shop. This lady in the parking lot said, "Are you here for the meet-up?" Score one for me looking sad enough to immediately be pegged as "needs more friends." We walked in together, and discovered that we were pretty much the first ones there.

After a bit, a small group formed. Everyone was going around, introducing themselves. "Hi, I'm so and so and I pick lint out of my belly button for a living. My collection is now the size of a small child and I've named it 'Barney.'" That kind of thing.

One guy thought the question "what do you do for a living?" was a tricky one. He said, "What do you mean by that? You want to know what I do for work or you want to know what I do?"

Um, sir? If you don't get paid to do it, it doesn't count as "doing it for a living." As it turned out, he does something IT related for work, but really he's an astrologer. Oh and he talks to his cats. And I'm pretty sure they talk back. And no, I didn't spit my coffee out all over the woman sitting across from me. She has two pet cows. In Dallas. Really. They got her through her divorce. And to that I say...ever heard of a dog? WAAAAYYYY less clean up.

Saturday evening I went to my married friends' house and had dinner. And drank some beer. And made some funnies. Good times.

Sunday was Easter, so I did what any other normal, atheist girl would do on Easter. I drank. A lot. A bunch of us went to brunch at this little Italian place. For a dollar (with the purchase of an entree), you could have your choice of bloody Mary, Mimosa, or Bellini. With a six drink limit. Yeah...right.

They weren't even keeping track. I had a bloody Mary, at least eight Mimosas, and a Bellini. And they only charged me for three drinks. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I had ten drinks for three bucks. Win!

After that, a couple of friends and I decided to go play some skee ball and have some more Easter beer. There's this great little bar near my apartment that has super old (ahem, classic) video games and skee ball. We had a blast. I invited one of my friends to roll around on the floor and get all sweaty with me. He said, "Not today. It's Jesus's day." I'm pretty sure that was me getting rejected. Who wouldn't want to roll around on the floor and get all sweaty with me? Then we traveled to another bar for more beer and an impromptu hot coffee drink ordering contest, which I won at the last minute. I'm such a sneak. Mine was delicious.

The only thing left to do was go back to my friend's apartment and watch BeerFest and drink some more beer. So that's what we did. Easter rocks. My liver cried.

The next morning, when I woke up, my ulcer was having issues. Oh yeah, I found out two weeks ago that I have an ulcer. I spent most of Monday in the hospital drinking nasty chalky white liquids (that's what she said) and being X-rayed. Now I don't get to have drinks (or caffeine or spicy food...) for two weeks. Sad face.