Today's blog is brought to you by the letter "D"...

And the word "Douchebag."

Have you ever gotten back in touch with someone you haven't talked to in over a decade?

With the social networking options on the internets these days, I'm sure you have. The question is, what was that experience like?

I've changed a lot in the last ten years. I would expect that most people would between the ages of 19 and 29. Those are some serious transition years. And yet...some people don't.

I've received communication from some people from my past lately. They don't seem to have changed a bit. And really. They should have.

Things that may have been amusing to my naive, self-conscious 20-year-old self aren't even remotely laughable to my 29-year-old self. I don't enjoy being called a "skank" for no reason at all. And using a myspace message to let me know that you'll gladly be my "rebound lay" is about as enticing as swimming in a tank of hungry sharks with an open wound in my leg.

Are there women out there who find this pleasant? Does this ever actually work for you? I find this approach similar to the construction workers who whistle and cat-call at women from their trucks. If it hasn't worked yet, try something else.

Mostly, I'm starting to think that "douchebag" is the only variety of man still left in existence. If you can't speak to me like a grown-up, I have very little use in conversing with you. Period. And your brand of humor is clearly lost on me.

I think the problem is that these guys still all hang out together. Just like they did in college or high school or whenever it is that they met. Some of them have managed to get married (though how these women deal with them is beyond me), but as far as I can tell, they're all the same. I would imagine that at home with the wife, each man's behavior changes significantly, but as a group they are as obnoxious and rude and disrespectful as they always were.

I went to a Halloween party with a whole group of them last year. It was the least fun I've ever had at a party. One of them kept going on and on (in front of the dude I was actually dating) about how he was so proud of himself for not fucking me back in the day when we knew each other, while all his friends were egging him on. Uh, no. You had no chance. Ever. At all. You smell and you're an asshole and I don't find you even the slightest bit attractive. You're lucky I didn't tell your wife about this little conversation.

Then someone else came in the bathroom as I was trying to get out and shoved his tongue down my throat and his hand up my shorts with the words, "Don't tell my wife." Gross. It was all I could do to not knee him in the crotch. I left immediately. And I have no urge to see or talk to any of those people again.

And the kicker? After the party, I got a myspace message from the guy who thought he ever had a chance with me that said, "Next time you come hang out with us, don't bring your boyfriend." Ugh. Fuck you.

I'm sure you're thinking that I'm just an uptight bitch and I should get over it. Maybe so. But maybe these men should grow the fuck up and learn to treat women with any kind of respect. I feel sorry for all their wives and all their children and really any decent human being who has to come in contact with them.