02 December 2008

Proposition 37

So I'm sure everyone knows that California citizens voted to ban gay marriage. And Arkansas citizens voted that unmarried couples (people?) can no longer adopt children. Since our country is clearly in a state of crazy, I'd like to propose a ban that's near and dear to my heart.

I'm calling it "Keep your kids the fuck out of my restaurant/hotel/bar/store/personal space." What do you think?

The proposition is this: let's divide places of business and social activities in half, having a "children's section" and a "section of sanity." It'll be just like the old days when they asked you "Smoking or non-smoking?" before they took you to your table at the restaurant. Only instead of letting the children run willy nilly from section to section like they did with cigarette smoke, there should be concrete, sound-proof walls. With electric shock fences.

In the children's section, children should be encouraged to scream bloody murder, splat ketchup on innocent strangers, throw up, or otherwise make themselves menaces. Then maybe people won't have so many kids. Or they will, but they'll stop taking them out to restaurants. My guess is, they'll still have too many kids, and they'll still take them out to restaurants, but they'll be tortured even more than the rest of us because of the high concentration of kids in their sections of stores.

If you'd like to have a night of peace, leave your kids at home. I didn't have kids so that all my nights would have peace.

I'm still working on the plan for retail stores, but I'm sure I'll think of something. It wouldn't be very cost efficient to suggest that the stores just provide double the merchandise, split up into two sides, so that I don't have to listen to you horribly-behaved child yelling while I'm trying to pick out a sweater.

My hope is that this will go the way of the smoking section, and soon children won't be allowed anywhere.


Jane Dough said...

What about teenagers? Can we make an area for them too?

Jason Harx said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Killer B said...

Couldn't agree more. Do I sound elitist if i say that only educated, well-spoken people should be allowed into this little utopia? Too bad. I AM elitist... :D

meshealle said...

As far as I'm concerned, teenagers are children. Until they're 18. Then they can come over to the adult side, but only if they behave. If not, it's back to the kids' section.

Harx, I don't want any Mormons involved. Period. They have way to many babies.

B, you're so elitist. Is that allowed in Canada?