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16 October 2009

It's Friday, we should break up - Using tax terms to define your relationship.

DISCLAIMER: I completely understand why taxes are filed this way. You do NOT need to explain to me the difference between paying taxes as a single person and paying taxes as a married person. I promise.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way...

When you're filling out your W-whatever at your place of employment, you must choose how to file your taxes. In general, there are three boxes (yes, seriously, I understand that there are really only two choices):

Single

Married

Married, but filing as Single

In terms of taxes these choices make perfect sense. But relationships have far more grey area. You could be dating someone, you could be sleeping with someone, you could have a purely platonic relationship based on a mutual love for shopping, you could be engaged, you could be dating a dozen people, you could be polyamorous.

In all those circumstances, when the IRS asks, you are single.

When anyone else asks, however? You better the hell state your business. Claiming to be "single" when you're actually in a relationship with one person is just jackassery.

Furthermore, following that up with "I'm not married to you," when your girlfriend or boyfriend questions your response is really unnecessary. I'm guessing that as long as that other person can at least eat solid foods, he or she probably knows that a marriage has not taken place. And in that moment, he or she is probably very glad to be "single." Maybe even Single.

Also, that "Married, but filing as Single" relationship could get a little tricky.

5 comments:

Losing It said...

And what about the gay community and those with domestic partners? Damn the government.

repliderium.com said...

In Canada we have a "common law" box as well. I've always wanted to add my own box "irritated"

Joanna said...

Well, see, I'm married, but I file as single... Not that it helps.

Does this mean some jackass has been moonlighting as a single guy and is -SURPRISE- married?!

Jay Ferris said...

I think "in a relationship" covers things pretty well, as does "I have a boyfriend". That or you could just wear a ring on your pinky, and when a loser hits on you, tell him it's part of your abstinence pledge.

Ed Adams said...

What are taxes?