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23 September 2009

Wednesday Wipeouts

For your reading pleasure, two more strange or awkward messages I've received on OKCupid. I promise I am in no way editing or making these up. I'm not that creative.

The first begins: Greetings, fellow humanoid!

I must state the obvious, and then it will be out of my system...

Thirty-seven!

*ahem* There, I'm done.

You seem like an interesting member of the earth species known as human and I would like to pick your brain *ahem* have a conversation. By the way, "I may shove my ovipositor tube down your throat and lay eggs in your stomach... But I'm not an alien." (which is perhaps the strangest thing you may have heard on a website geared towards dating)

Archaeology, eh? I'm sorry I don't know more about the subject, although I have a slightly related hobby that when I go to a used book store, I prefer the books that have been written in over a clean one.

Have you actually met someone who doesn't laugh? I've heard of people who "don't vomit", but purposely avoiding a pleasurable social act seems odd.

[redacted], good; doubt in the mythos of the popular, good; getting to have a conversation with you, great if it happens.

--[redacted]


No, but really. He may shove his ovipostor tube down my throat and lay eggs in my stomach. It's in quotes. Is this from a movie?

I'll admit to being completely freaked because 37 is my favorite number and there's no way he could have known that, so...is that also from a movie? If it had been 42, I would have understood. Or even 34. But 37? Anyone?

~~~~oOo~~~~


These next messages are from the same dude. I must have left myself logged in to OKCupid on a Friday night, while I was out.

(11:09 pm, I'm at dinner with friends)
Subject: hey there

its friday night and we are both online, i was just checkin you out and saw that you are online... wanna chat

(11:10 pm, I'm still at dinner with friends)
Subject: or

maybe meet up and have a guinness somewhere

(11:18 pm, you guessed it, I'm still at dinner)
Subject: reread your profile
getting the idea that the perfect weekend would involve watching crank, death race, the new star trek movie, a case of guinness, and laying in bed watching the cowboys on sunday. i have a laptop, netflix, and a leadfoot that can get me to the beer store on time...
:-) [name]
[email address]
[phone number]


Really? And I hadn't responded to any of that because I didn't even get the messages until the next day. I was kind of creeped out.

19 comments:

Jeff said...

what. thefuck.
that is all.
thank you.

Just A Girl said...

I'm extremely scared of that guy. Block him.

justjp said...

Wow, just wow. Damn girl, it may be time for a new approach.

GingerMandy said...

um, if you care about keeping your blog entertaining and keeping us on the edge of our seats, you need to go out with him. just once. please?!

Phronk said...

I agree with GingerMandy.

Mostly because I wanna know how Death Race is.

txsjewels said...

is he 37 yrs old? and if so... EW. regardless though: ew EW EW EW EW! i would say block, but it is so entertaining.. and there is a wednesday in every week.

f.B said...

Whoa.

The only time I thought he was at all funny was the leadfoot part. I thought he meant he actually had a foot made of lead (because, you know, I'm as dumb as I sound and that would be kind of funny). But if he just meant he drives fast...

Jay Ferris said...

Was that first guy trying to get you to do anal?

Also, I found THIS. Perhaps your answer is in there somewhere.

M said...

That first guy? Was creepy. The second guy was clingy, but not creepy like the first one. I mean, yikes!

M said...

These just get better and better.

Joanna said...

Uh.

...



Guy number 1 sounds like he's trying to get your attention with his schtick. And failing miserably. I googled the "quote" and got your blog, Mystery Science Theater 3000, and some dude's signature on a Portal (video game) forum. So no real help on WHAT THE FUCK!!!!

Ed Adams said...

You find all the WINNERS! You could have picked up this champ at Comic Con or a Star Trek Convention, and the conversation probably would have been most interesting. I bet he was holding his lightsaber and stroking his yoda with space goo while looking at your profile thru his Clingon mask.

Graygrrrl said...

I threw up in mouth a bit on that 1st one!

Beckbee said...

Dude. I mean...dude. I think he may have been on that clip from Conan - you know the one, Triumph and the Star Wars nerds? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugk37TvIR8E

L.C. said...

LOL, so I just happened to stumble on to your blog and I love this entry. It's hilarious. Lay eggs in your stomach! How corny and tacky. Not the best way to come on to a girl over the internet.

cool as folk said...

Okay. Wow. All I was thinking when I read the first one is somewhere along the lines of *ahem* (?!?!): "WTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTF." Basically.

peterdewolf said...

txsjewels: What's wrong with being 37?

NatalieCottrell said...

I'm telling you, I don't care if we're all allegedly human, there are definitely subspecies within that category...and he's friggin from a whole other pool of people. Where you at, Natural Selection?

Tony said...

And who says all the good ones are taken?