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28 September 2009

Drugs, I haz them.

On Friday, I had reason to be under the influence of some (completely legal) drugs. Normally, the strongest drug I do (aside from alcohol) is Advil. And I don't even take that very often. Here's a random collection of thoughts that I wrote down to share.

Gosh, my bathtub is deep. I wonder if I could put in a diving board?

My teeth don't really feel like a collective any more. What if they decide to go to war with each other in my mouth? (This was a recurring issue all day.)

I know I'm supposed to be asleep, but I think I'll get a pedicure instead.

It's probably not a good idea to trim my bangs right now...but that one strand is really long... (get scissors)

If I fix my hair and do my makeup, no one will know I'm on the drugs.

I'd really like to take a picture of my ass right now. It looks juicy. Wonder if I could bite it? (The answer is no...but not for lack of trying.)

Huh. I'm pretty.

Ice Cream. WANT.

I should really...groom. (This? Was a horrible idea. Who knows? It could be a TMI Thursday post!)

What the hell color are my eyes any more?

I wish someone were here to give me a hug. Someone without boobs.

My dress is wrinkled. But it's so pretty!

Ice Cream. WANT.

My hair straightener is REALLY hot. Does this count as heavy machinery? It's not very heavy. But it's...REALLY HOT. Hmmm...(continue to straighten hair in the hopes that no one will notice I'm high as a kite.)

America's Next Top Model makes more sense on drugs. This explains the mindset of the producers, I guess. Except the Tyra Banks part. Where are her calves? Maybe my teeth ate them.

Cheese is what's it's all about. Not that hokey pokey bullshit. I wish I had some cheese. Oh well, hokey pokey it is.

Yep. Pedicure. I'll go get one. (Get in the car.)

Uh, those trees vaguely resemble the scary ones in The Wizard of Oz that tried to hurt Dorothy. I'm scared.

Ow. Ow. OW! Asian people should not be allowed to massage. And now I kind of want Chinese food. Does that make me racist?

Someone really should have stopped me from driving. But this is kinda fun. AAHHHHHH! TREES!

So, the question is: Don't you wish you had talked to me? It was quite the experience from what I hear. Also, this is why I don't do drugs.

23 comments:

peterdewolf said...

"My teeth don't really feel like a collective any more."

You gchatted me this gem too.

Travis said...

"Cheese is what it's all about."

That's real. I'm sittin here at work, and now I want some cheese.

Just A Girl said...

I would like to be best friends with you now. When I do the drugs, I tend to just stare at the ceiling fan or rock back and forth or forget what I'm saying or make 12 pizzas. Or all of those things.

Ed Adams said...

Reminds me of the first time I got high. Except then, Mario Brothers were the shiz.

Butterbean said...

what's sad about this post is that i can totally relate to this, but i was like this for three. months. straight. the poor hubby had to deal with my strange ramblings day in and day out. i once told him that i loved the way his ears moved when we thought about me.... i have no idea what i was talking about.

PQ said...

That last thought?

I have it whenever I drive...is that a problem?

Late-Night Drama Queen said...

Ha. Cheese. Love it.

Graygrrrl said...

Were you watching Family Guy or something? The whole "teeth collective" reminded me of the epsiode where Steve Buscemi's teeth jump out of his mouth to look for work. Hilarious!

PS- please promise me you will not drive when you're on the drugs again.

PPS- please promise me you will call me so I can take part in the hilarity!

Joanna said...

Don't make me move back and supervise you!

GingerMandy said...

we need to hang out.

cheese IS where it's at... and the only time i ever had the little asians do a pedicure for me i craved chinese food too. it happens.

Beckbee said...

wow. I hope you feel better. That is some crazy-arse stuff tho. :)

txsand said...

I had a boss who was like that for nine months until someone found him sleeping in his plate of spaghetti.

repliderium.com said...

A lot of those are like me on a normal day but then again, I don't get out much.
;)

Clevelandpoet said...

reminds me of the time I dropped acid and my friends left me in the park.

and hell yes talking to you at this time had to have been fun!

Losing It said...

I am so moving to Dallas so I can come get (legally) high with you.

f.B said...

the hokey pokey is a perfect substitute for cheese. and i still look really cool doing it when i go to the roller rink on friday nights.

only none of this comment is even true.

Antelope said...

You're the awesomest.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

i wish we would have been together for this one - and i also wish i would have been on the same drugs as you. now that would have been fun!

carissajaded said...

Oh wow, i just popped an ambien and am beginning to feel just like you. except i just wrote pooped instead of popped like 5 times. oh drugs. and cheese. im so about to break out a block of cheese. or ice cream. or both...i heart ambien.

Mega8815 said...

LMAO!!!
You sound ditzy and dilly and yet you are still awesome. What the hell is up with that?! HeeHee!!

M said...

I still think you should have had some beer ;).

Phronk said...

Wanting Chinese food definitely makes you racist.

And I LOLed at "maybe my teeth ate them." You should do drugs more often!

Brochures Printing said...

Hmm... very interesting point you thought of about our teeth. For someone high on Advil, you have pretty amazing inquiries. LOL!

This is why you have to stay in school, kids. :D