28 August 2009

It's Friday, we should break up - (Awesomely) Bad Ideas

You know the ones I'm talking about. Like Clear Pepsi. Ick.

I'm making a completely separate and really stupid personal decision right now, but I thought I'd share the awesomely bad idea I had last night.

It was time to dye my hairs. First of all, I always hate my hair for at least the first week (this time is no exception). It's either (that) too dark, too bright, too light, too...ugly. Whatever. Right now, it's far too dark.

Second, I can't really figure out how other people do this hair dyeing thing at home. I can't really do it with clothes on. I always drip the dye all over myself and then when I have clothes on, it's hard to get them off without getting dye all over them. So I just do it naked. It's easier that way.

Except of course, that I then have to rinse the dye out of my hair...naked.

I don't like to get in the shower and rinse it because I don't like the feeling that the dye is all over me. So I usually kneel in front of the tub and put my head under the faucet.

In a normal bathtub, this isn't really an issue. I, however, have a garden tub. And a busted knee. This time I particularly didn't want to get dye in my open wound, but I also didn't really want to kneel in front of the tub.

I stood there for a minute, contemplating. I didn't have many options. Grin through the pain (and thereby, surely get hair dye in my mouth, yuck!), get in the shower (and thereby, surely get hair dye in my open wound, yuck!), actually wash the glasses in my kitchen sink and rinse it in there (but it was time to rinse!), or...this:

Let me explain. You should know that I told my eight-year-old niece about the situation, and she drew that picture. I think she's quite good, no?

That's a lie. I drew it. I'm a terrible artist. I know this. But here we are.

So my brilliant plan was to lie (Naked, mind you. Seriously, I'm this smart), long-ways along the edge of the tub, with one leg stretched out down the length of the tub. However, I couldn't really balance very well, so I ended up propping my other leg up on the toilet.

I should maybe mention that the proportions of this drawing are probably completely off. See above. I'm a terrible artist. You're getting an aerial view because I have no idea how to adjust my perspective to make corners and such. I tried and my tub just looked like it was about to fall over. So maybe that's where my talent lies. Drawing wobbly, unstable things.

And no, I don't have an amputated arm. That one was just up underneath me. Also, um, I have no idea how to draw my own ass. So I just went without. I tried with disastrous results. Which have been burned.

This technique actually worked pretty well, for the first ten minutes. When I still couldn't get all the dye out, though, my arms started to fall asleep. It was hard to breath with the tub pressing on my lungs. And I got dye in my eyes. Of course.

All this so I could hate my hair for a week.


Jami said...

This was amazing. Perfect Friday morning reading material.

justjp said...

LOL, nice! BTW, I always did like clear Pepsi.

Renee said...

I just went through this two nights ago. I do it naked too. ohh a t-shirt in the making! anyways...yes, i stood there for like 35 minutes, naked (booyyyys), putting the dye in. But i get into the shower and rinse it out and do a full on shower. But you have that whole knee-thing goin on. Great picture! totally had to go back and look at your amputated arm. that needs to go on the fridge.

Just A Girl said...

Wait, but what about your vagina?

Organic Meatbag said...

Shine and Renee - TEASES! Hahaha!

shine said...

Jami: Glad you enjoyed.

justjp: No. You didn't! No one liked Clear Pepsi.

Renee: I took a shower afterward. I just don't like the idea of the dye running down my butt.

Just A Girl: It was touch and go there for a while (hehe), but my vagina is still intact.

Organic Meatbag: Hello, not a tease. I totally drew you a naked picture of me!

Beckbee said...

Dude. You need an old crappy pair of shorts and an old band t-shirt that has paint stains, holes, and previous hair dye attempts on it. Trust me. Oh and one of those little attachments to the faucet that allow you to use a hose to rinse your hair. :) I just shower the dye off...I mean, you can still WASH the dye off your skin. Crazy ass. (for your knee...get some of that NuSkin or whatever that seals it...protekshun yo!)

Phronk said...

I liked Crystal Pepsi! How dare you insult it. You're right, we should break up.

Good day to you.

Storm said...

I dye my hair naked also, but I just get in the shower to rinse it. When I stop to think about it, it's surprising how many household chores I do naked or at least topless to avoid more laundry.

mysterg said...

FAIL! Although how could you be expected to draw your own ass if you haven't seen it before?

I suggest next time you get a photographer in. Purely in the interests of accuracy and blogging quality. Obviously.

Joanna said...

need more mspaint

adriana said...

Come on! Clear Pepsi was awesome! It came out when I had braces and it was like sweet nectar of the gods - I could drink it without risking staining my teeth! ;-)

Also? Wow. I used to do my hair at home, and I would always make my friend come over and do it. She would do it, then I would get in the shower, because the dye does absolutely nothing to your skin. :-) And it typically worked without issue. Glad you got it all worked out though!

rs27 said...

I liked clear pepsi

Jay Ferris said...

Between the awkward position and lack of butt crack, this drawing is what I imagine a murder at Barbie's dream house would look like.

shine said...

Beckbee: I had a bandage on my knee. And it freaks me out to wear shirts and then wash them because I don't want to get dye in the washer. Seriously. I'm that weird.

Phronk: And I thought we had such a good thing going here!

Storm: Right on.

mysterg: Um...I've seen my own ass. But I can't draw anything.

Joanna: That shit is EPIC. YES!

adriana: I know that technically the dye does nothing to your skin, but I don't like having in near my butt. I don't know how to explain it.

rs27: Good grief! So much love for the clear Pepsi. That shit was NASTY, wasn't it? No?

twelvekindsofcrazy said...

Omg, best post I read all day.
I also dye at home. I always do it in an old shirt and then take a shower. My butt and other areas have been subjected to dye for about 15 years now. That could explain a few things, actually.

Graygrrrl said...

This is the funniest thing I've heard in weeks! You're hilarious. Side Note: if you're talking about the colour I saw last night, I liked it.
Anyway, you can always wrap a towel around yourself (you know, in case there's a fire and you have to make a quick getaway).
PS- just shower you silly goose!

txsjewels said...

and see, i was so impressed that an amputee would die her own hair. now.. not so much. i agree w/ a previous commenter: just shower you silly goose. you ARE naked.

Trooper Thorn said...

Isn't this how one of the kids dies in the latest "Final Destination" movie?

Meg said...

I knew there was a reason I stopped dying my hair...

cool as folk said...

This post was hilarious. I also hate my hair the first week of dying it and it seems like NO MATTER what color I dye it, a few times of washing turns it back to dirty blond. Tres strange.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

HAHAHA. this is hilarious! the pic? HA!

when i dyed my own hair i had a "hair dying tshirt" i didn't care what the hell got on it ya know?

Mega8815 said...

Oh no you're impossible woman!! HaHa!
I also tend to do the naked dye thing... except when a friend does it for me. Then I'll wear pants and a bra. Easy to take off at least. And yeah it's so much easier getting into the shower to wash it off. Except for the dark dye running down my body making me look like I'm bleeding to death or just had a massacre.

Good luck with the knee... it's amazing when you realize how much you actually DO with a certain body... once you can't use it anymore. =)