09 July 2009

TMI Thursday - Please keep your penis to yourself.

I don't usually participate in TMI Thursdays because I don't want any family members who read my blog to have a heart-attack. However, I might have mentioned this to LiLu, and she might have said, "Um, why haven't you written that up as a TMI Thursday?" So here we are. Don't worry, you won't throw up (oh, the build up!). It's not even about tampons this week!

I pretty much had the same boyfriend all through high school. Of course, being high school kids, we broke up probably 37 times. And during those breakups, I dated other people. Somewhere near the end of high school we had a much more permanent breakup (it lasted six months, I think). I met this older guy who worked at (gasp!) CompUSA and played the guitar and had tattoos and thus started my fascination for semi-geeky musicians (to date, I have seriously dated TWO astrophysicist musicians. Who does that?).

Also, my mom hated him. That helped tremendously.

As I said, he was older than me and had more experience and didn't really care about my innocent high schooler status, like my high school boyfriends. And he had his belly button pierced. Which is just weird for a guy. I thought it was cool. I was young.

We both still lived with our parents, but as his were infinitely cooler than mine (read: didn't really care if we were at his place alone), we hung out at his house way more than we hung out at mine. Plus, my mom hated him.

So I would go over there and hang out. His parents loved me.

The other thing about his parents? They were nudists. Of the naked variety.

Aside from one really awkward hot tub experience (in which they were naked in the hot tub, but I did not see the nakedness), they kept their naked to themselves. I'm pretty sure you can get arrested for exposing yourself to a minor anyway, so it was a good call.

Then one day, I decided to go over unannounced. BAD DECISION.

I rang the doorbell and my boyfriend's dad's PENIS answered the door. I think it's still staring at me to this day. Hi, I've never seen your son's penis (that might be a lie, I can't remember the chronological chain of events), but looky there at yours! Eyes up, eyes up, DON'T LOOK DOWN.

That is definitely in my top ten uncomfortable moments.

After that, it was like all bets were off. His mom did naked aerobics in the living room (OUCH! She had no boobs, though), his dad worked on the '69 Mustang naked (Is it just me or does that seem dangerous to anyone else?). I don't think I ever saw them with clothes on again.


Alice said...

OH. MY. GOD. i would die. DIE. my virgin highschool eyes would have been WOEFULLY UNPREPARED for that. eep.

BigSis said...

You get an A for originality, You couldn't make up a story any better than that!

PorkStar said...

hahahahahaha wow, that must have been quite the shock and..... still answer the door naked? what? uhm... thats just... no

LiLu said...

First of all, even if you are a nudist, WHO ANSWERS THE DOOR THAT WAY???

The pizza guy does NOT need to see Mr. Winky, wink.

adriana said...

Haha wow! That's a good one! I'm with LiLu - WHO ANSWERS THEIR DOOR NAKED??? Even if you're a nudist... it seems like that's where the line is. said...

A guy with a pierced bellybutton? Seriously?

f.B said...

a pierced bellybutton on a dude? and nudist door-opening?! everything about that is so wrong. awesome story, but so wrong.

rs27 said...

I saw this on the internet once.

mylittlebecky said...

oh, nudists when will you ever learn?

ps that's a good pizza guy story to tell his pizza guy friends, however.

WomensDaily said...

Oh my goodness. I would never have been able to look him in the um...eye after that

Jay Ferris said...

So... like father like son? And did your boyfriend have a tramp stamp too?

Phronk said...

Maybe it's just me, but dad penis grosses me out more than tampons.

shine said...

Alice: So you're right there with me, then, eh?

BigSis: I promise if I make stuff up, it will be labeled fiction. My life is ridiculous.

PorkStar: Right? I could have been a Girl Scout!

LiLu: I know! Ick. I was just glad he didn't decide to take up nude aerobics with his wife...

adriana: You'd think. Gross. I was YOUNG. And STUPID. And TRYING TO PISS MY MOM OFF. But yeah, okay, ew.

f.B.: Isn't it? Aren't you glad you decided to pop on over today?

rs27: Um, yeah...that's where I posted it.

mylittlebecky: Right? If it doesn't kill you, it probably makes for a good story.

WomensDaily: It wasn't his eye I was worried about...well, not the ones on his face, at least.

Jay Ferris: Haha. No tramp stamp. At least not at that point. But he broke up with me to knock up a stripper. Classy.

Phronk: I'm sorry. From now on, it's all tampons all the time. At least I didn't post pictures, right?

Zan said...

Hooooollly hell! I'd.have.died. Right there. Dead. [II]

Phronk said...

I suspected you took pictures.


shine said...

Zan: I almost did.

Phronk: You know me too well...