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10 June 2009

Damn it, they caught me!

So they caught me before I could destroy the entire infrastructure of the United States to smithereens with my...archaeology report. Oh, wait. That doesn't make any sense, does it?

Last week, I put a report in the mail to someone at the Army Corps of Engineers office in Fort Worth, Texas. Today it came back in the mail with this message:

"We regret that your mail was not collected or is being returned to you due to heightened security requirements. All mail that bears postage stamps and weighs more than 13 ounces MUST be taken by the customer to a retail service associated at a Post Office."

So they weren't worried about the fact that my possible terrorist device was in the mail twice as long as it would have been if they had just sent it to Fort Worth as requested. As long as I personally bring my possible terrorist device to the post office (does that really have to be capitalized? I'll admit I'm not sure of the rules in that case) they'll send it anywhere I want it to go? Huh.

So I'm warning any and all potential accidental terrorists out there, DO NOT PUT STAMPS ON YOUR HEAVY POSSIBLY TERRORIST DEVICES.



Take it to the post office. They'll help you out. Though not with a smile. Those people are pissed. Probably because Homeland Security now makes them deal with a person every time a package over 13 ounces runs through the mail. Go figure, we're more worried about terrorist activity than angry postal workers these days.

10 comments:

Alice said...

i get so angry at the post office on a regular basis. actually, that's not at all true, because i don't USE the post office on a regular basis. i get angry at the post office virtually every time i'm forced to use it.

headbitingprincess said...

HA HA HA ohh lord .. ONLY our military and our government would pull such a DUHHHH !!!!! lol

deadleafecho said...

It's funny, I ran into something similar when I had to mail my heart monitor back. Except that I just read the giant signs on every mailbox about the weight rule and took it into a post office 8)
But I guess that isn't much of a story, hence why I don't blog.
FML

Antelope said...

One time, the post office kept putting our mail in someone else's box. So we complained about it. And then they stopped delivering our mail altogether for two weeks, and we complained about that, and then they left our mail on the floor. The post office is run by four-year-olds.

David Bryant said...

Writing 13 ounce+ reports is not healthy. Very few people do it. Homeland security can definitely afford the time to investigate each one. Try to cut them down to 10 ounces or less to give the guys reading them a break. Some of those poor bastards aren't even archeologists.

LiLu said...

Good work on the MS Paint. ;-)

LBluca77 said...

The post office makes me want to go postal.

Can't believe I actually just typed that.

PorkStar said...

hahaha uhm.. that was dumb of them, really

shine said...

Alice: That's about where I stand. I hardly ever have to deal with the post office, but when I do, it tends to make me all stabby.

headbitingprincess: It's a "bang your head against the desk" moment, yes?

deadleafecho: I'M NOWHERE NEAR A MAILBOX. So there.

Antelope: Um, yeah. Never ever fuck with the post office. They have all the power in the relationship and you're just the abused spouse.

David Bryant: I agree. I didn't write it, I was just mailing it. Though one of my friend's dissertation weight well over a pound.

LiLu: I swear it's an inflatable sheep...despite what it may look like. I can't even figure out what it looks like.

LBluca77: I feel the same. Actually, I wish I could go postal on most of my coworkers. But "managerial" just doesn't have the same ring to it...

PorkStar: Shhhh...I don't want my mail to get re-routed!

shine said...

Weighed. It weighed well over a pound. I can't type.