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01 May 2009

It's Friday, we should break up - Yellow Pages

Hi, Yellow Pages? It's shine. We need to talk.

While I appreciate that you felt it would be more cost-efficient to send all your departments overseas, I have to tell you...it's not really working for me. They can't understand me when I say, "PLEASE STOP CALLING." So if you could teach them at least that one phrase, that would be awesome.

Additionally, I really do not enjoy updating my information three times a month. To people who don't understand what I'm saying. I can't even begin to explain how obnoxious it is to spell my last name five times. It only has a few letters. It's not that hard. Don't even get me started on how many times it takes to spell the name of our street. And by the way? Our suite number? Not the same as our street address. Maybe finding at least one person who understands the structure of American addresses would be a good idea. I'm here for you.

Please stop encouraging your employees to say my name multiple times per sentence. It does not make me feel special. I do not feel as though we are buddies and I want to give your company money when this happens. Actually, I kind of want to burn every copy of the yellow pages that I can find.

I don't, in any way, believe that the man who called my office from India yesterday is actually called "Bob (Beh-uhOuh-Beh) Jones (Joe-uhOuh-enuh-ess)." I'm sorry, but I don't. I think he's a liar and so are you.

No, I don't want to pay anything to you for any services. And if I hang up on you, trust me, it's not because we had a bad connection. Do not call back. I don't want to have to say, "I DO NOT WANT TO PURCHASE ANYTHING FROM YOU. WE ARE DONE I AM HANGING UP." every time. I feel like a bitch for yelling at your employees.

Yesterday, when I hung up the phone, I actually suggested that we set all of the Yellow Pages employees on fire. Not the buildings, you can keep those. Just the people. I don't like to feel violent like that.

So this is the end of our relationship, dear Yellow Pages. It hasn't been a pleasure.

7 comments:

Kelly said...

I totally understand where you are coming from! Those random Yellow Pages calls are super annoying! I was an office manager back in the day and we'd get calls from them ALL THE TIME! Then they'd demand money for nothing, ads we didn't even want! All because they didn't understand us!

Gotta love those companys who send jobs overseas!

adriana said...

Ugh, those people are so annoying!

FilmFemme said...

May I also point out that I really don't need a copy of their useless book hung on my doorknob 4 times a year. I HAVE THE INTERNET LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.

Bow Chica Wah Wah said...

you're silly! & a great writer ;)

Jelly said...

I feel you. Like, metaphorically speaking (if that's how you spell it).

I have the same problem with a company that calls me - I hate yelling at them over again but they leave you little choice!

Cheryl said...

I have never gotten a call from the Yellow Pages, but I get calls from Bible preachers. I don't like them very much.

shine said...

The bastards called me AGAIN the next day. I had to SPEAK IN CAPS AGAIN.