10 April 2009

How NOT to get a job.

Several months ago, an amazing find just fell into my hands. I meant to blog about it, but I forgot. And now, my friends, now it is time.

This poor woman sent her resume out to who knows how many places in this condition:

Wait for it. There's a page two:

I'm going to take a potty break while you figure out what's wrong with this picture. Understand that I'm totally judging you for taking too long to see it.

Okay, I'm back. Figure it out?

I've been trying to figure out what they even teach kids in English class these days, because it's clearly not grammar or spelling. Is it only literature? Or does everyone just sleep through the other days?

Because this lady clearly fell asleep on the day they taught apostrophe usage (among other things, but it seems to be the most glaring error). Yep, that's the problem with her resume. She didn't use a single apostrophe correctly for two pages. Not a single one. I counted over thirty apostrophe catastrophes.

And she wasn't even consistent with her mistakes. Most plural words have an apostrophe (part's, memo's, invoice's, order's, etc.), but not all of them. And the two places where she needed apostrophes (customer's account's...twice) she still used them the wrong way. I mean, yeah, and account's doesn't need one at all.

This woman has been an Administrative Assistant for nearly 20 years. Twenty years. Imagine all the misplaced apostrophes she must have executed in all that time. And no one ever corrected her?

I once got an hour long lecture from my boss for using the wrong version of the spelling of archaeology in a letter to a particular state agency. You see, the world spells archaeology just like that. Archaeology. But for some reason the state of Texas has decided to spell it "archeology." Some say it was to save typewriter ink when they got rid of that funny ae key. But I'm not sure if that's true or not. And I promise not to bore you with the details of how every single company, school, and agency in the state of Texas spells the word. But I could. Because I heard it all. And that wasn't even a typo!

I wanted to write this woman a letter and say, "If you never use another apostrophe in your entire life, you will be right more times than this. Just stop, woman!" But I didn't. Because who knows? Maybe I'll be trying to get the same job as her someday. And my resume will be so much more awesome. And I like to think about her and laugh.

Also, did anyone else notice how many of her responsibilities were matching one thing with another?


Jay said...

That's just plain awesome. And you're awesome for sharing (btw, can still see her personal information; may have to give her a call). I also appreciated that her objective is easily the most generic one I've ever seen. I think it may actually be the one that comes with the sample resume on the MS template.

Monkey Girl said...

Yup, just wanted to give you an fyi that you can still read all her personal info...your sharpie isn't working properly.,:;"'...


Kelly said...

International customer's what? Vendor's what?

Yeah, see what you're saying. Even though I went to school in the 'hood, I can still find it!

LiLu said...

That is seriously such a pet peeve of mine- okay, maybe it doesn't come naturally to some, but PROOFREAD?? Spell check?? Send it to your mom?! Anything???

Antje Spethmann said...

It seems this person has done a search and replace without realizing it.

Crystal said...

maybe she is utilizing her poetic license to obatin long term position.

PorkStar said...

... and in the skills she puts, MS Word.. but what, open it and close it maybe? Because even if you don't use the spelling feature, the damned thing underlines it all the time for the littlest of mistakes.

adriana said...

Wow. Just, wow. The grammar mistakes in that resume are beyond ridiculous. My company's marketing department makes stupid mistakes like that, and it's so irritating! I'm glad that the mistaken use of apostrophes irritates someone other than me.

(By the way - I just found your blog from Lilu's, and I am loving it!)

Maxie said...

wow wow wow wow wow.