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21 October 2009

Wednesday Wipeouts

Well, folks, I told you to enjoy them while they last!

Here's your last installment of Wednesday Wipeouts.

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Subject: Hi

Hi, I love to get know, looking for new friend to hang out with and have good time.



I'm pretty sure this guy is from the United States, and therefore should speak English.

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No Subject

you look fun,and i want a new friend.what do you say


Translation: I'd like to make the sexy time with you, wanna do it?

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No Subject

that firey red hair, those sparkly green eyes, an unquenchable thirst 4 guinness - I think I'm in LOVE!

seriously, u want to elope? dead serious, just try me!!


Um...no. Also, I'm pretty sure my eyes aren't green. But whatever.

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Subject: We are not alike and I like that!


Hello!

I love your picture! That first one which you label as the face you usually make in pictures! What a delightful image. If you don't reply to this, at least know that you gave me a nice smile at the end of a hectic day.

OK... we're not a lot alike, but I think that might bring out better things.

For instance, I know almost nothing about sports... but if you like sports (especially football), I wouldn't mind having you tell me what's going on... or simply sit along with you and watch you enjoy the things that have meaning to you.

I, on the other hand, love movies. All kinds of movies. I love chick flicks and zombie movies and science fiction and drama and action and super hero and period pieces and... well... I can't always explain what I'll like in a movie. Sometimes... badly written movies will turn me off utterly... but sometimes, I'll see a movie that's badly written, but something about it will be charming and BANG... I'll have a good time.

I'm overweight, sure... but I'm trying to exercise and be more fit... and I imagine that someone with a more active exercise program might help motivate me to work harder... though right now, what I'm doing is taking its toll... but I know it's all for the best.

I'm not an outdoors person at all... but I would NEVER be the sort to hold you back from the things you enjoy...

However, there's hope here. I also hate smoking, I love to laugh... and while I try to be very polite in public, I can swear like a sailor as well. I like to read, though I'll admit my mind wanders and it takes me longer than I'd like to get through the books I enjoy. Currently, I'm reading a collection of Lovecraft short stories, "A Clash of Kings" by George R. R. Martin, and Obama's book about his father.

My musical tastes are all over the place. I've got indie, alternative, punk, classic rock, classical music, pop, even one or two rap songs, blues and so on and so forth. I would never want to be in a place where there was no music.

If you'd like to talk more... maybe even get together for a movie... please contact me here or at [obviously, I'm not going to let you see his email, but it had "uncle" in it.]

I hope to hear from you!

-[Name]


Truth? This is probably more sweet than anything else, aside from the ellipsis situation. But this is A LOT of information to vomit up when sending a first email to someone.

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And my PERSONAL FAVORITE:

Subject: You

oh, man, you are a nerd of the highest caliber. That whole thing about next gen, well I got you beat on that but I'm not bragging. Oh yeah, and I wanted to call you a poopface. There. I did it. I called a perfect stranger a poopface! Haha!


[weird name that surely wasn't his name, but also didn't match his username]


He called me a poopface. I hope he's proud. His momma clearly raised him right.

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So, as Porky Pig would say, Th-th-th-that's all folks!

This girl is actually dating a man. And it just feels weird to continue to receive emails from strange men all the time, so my dating profile is now disabled. Also, he's been reading my blog (and somehow still likes me...I think his favorite so far was my assplosion), so he's probably reading this. Everyone wave!

17 comments:

Mike Steelman said...

WAVE - sorry I couldn't find a cute text/emoticon fir it! Love the post

GingerMandy said...

well i can't blame the dude for wanting to elope with you. i tried getting PQ to marry us while you were passed out, but she wouldn't do it.

Antelope said...

Hello Man!

Be honest. The Man is the one who called you a poopface, isn't it? It's ok. I don't judge.

LiLu said...

Asshat! Doesn't he know Poopface is MY nickname for you?!

The Peach Tart said...

What rock do these people come out of?

Jay Ferris said...

I think you should make a move on the chubby guy, just be careful you don't wear anything vanilla-scented when you go to meet him.

M said...

I didn't really see the sweet in the vomit one, but maybe I'm a cynic.

And I've met the man and he's fabulous! Hi [Name] (like I'm gonna be the one who gives it away ;).

repliderium.com said...

Hello Man! Welcome! No! Don't sit over there! You're new here, you go on that couch. No, you can't use the footstool! Stop being so goddamn pushy!!

JustAGirl said...

Hi guy! I hate you because I love the wipeouts and I'm blaming you for stopping them but that's ok I'ma let it happen.

Joanna said...

Hello, Man. 122 Bloggers and a million real life humans think Shine is the bee's knees, and I'm sure you will, too. ♥

NatalieCottrell said...

Hello, Shine's Boy! You're a very lucky lad. Don't eff it up. Cuz then we'll have to hate you. You've been warned.

As far as Mr. Notalike, I don't understand the appeal of presenting yourself as liking everything and nothing at the same time. Granted, the shock value dudes are not cool either (poopface? why not just pull your pigtails and wipe boogers on you?), but the nice dude should understand that a foxy, got-it-together lady such as yourself (Hey, who you calling a lady?!) is not going to have the time nor patience to dole out lessons on how to come out of his shell, which is really what he craves. Me thinks.

Pecosa said...

Awww, but I just discovered your Wednesday Wipeouts!

I'm glad you've met someone, though. There are some definite crazies out there.

Alice said...

hello, shine's man! my man has ALSO found my blog. it's horrifying me a bit.

Juice said...

Man, that poor chubster. Sure someone could go spend like a day with him and just inform him where he went wrong. 'I'm overweight'.. Fuck.

Hello Shine's dude. Do you like Pepsi Cola? <-- what, I'm trying to be friendly.

Phronk said...

Poor chubby guy. I think he'll make someone really happy someday.

Hi Shine's soul mate! Don't screw up or the entire internet will hate you! LOL!

Maryx said...

Oh.No.
Why do they do this to themselves?
Ouch.

=( I liked Wednesday Wipeouts. It made for great WTF moments.

=D I'm SO happy for you that you've got a stunning guy in your life. Take Care.

UPrinting Reviews said...

Oh my. Those men are so weird... does this normally happen on dating sites? I'm sticking with the real life drama of dating, thank you very much. :D