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29 October 2009

TMI Thursday - I guess you could call it a submarine.

Hold on to your hats, ladies and gentlemen. It's time for LiLu's TMI Thursday!

TMI Thursday



Today's TMI post is brought to you by...my childhood in East Tennessee. Oh yes, we lived in the STICKS.

I used to have this cousin. I say "used to" for good reason. She was probably never really my cousin in the first place. See my mom married my sister's dad (not my dad) who had a brother who used to be married to her mother (but who was not her father), but wasn't any more. So basically we're like twice removed by divorce at this point.

She wasn't always terribly nice to me. I was younger and new and my mom wouldn't let me do anything fun. I will say though, that she's the reason I saw Dirty Dancing at the ripe old age of eight, when my mom probably would have chosen for me to wait until I was married. Sorry Mom!

Dirty Dancing: It's where I learned all about pre-marital sex and awesome dancing.

So anyway, when I met this sort-of-cousin, I was four, I think. She was five. We hung out a lot. I spent the night at her house all the time, which was cool because her mom let us do cool things like build blanket forts with chairs in the basement and listen to Michael Jackson records and dance until past my bedtime.

One evening, we were taking a bath together. I have no idea why. Probably it was just more efficient. Possibly we had made a mess of ourselves in the mud. There's really no telling.

We were in the tub, playing and splashing and I'm sure being ridiculous. Just by the way, this cousin is the reason you will never hear me pick dare at Truth or Dare, which I have still never played to this day because I was so scarred from her trying to get me to do or say things. Now I'm not scared of the truth, but I'm still a little scared of the dare.

Anyway, we were in the bathtub and all of a sudden, I looked down and saw something weird in the water. It wasn't floating, just sort of...sitting at the bottom of the tub. It was brown and kind of log-like in shape.

Yeah, you guessed it.

She pooped in the bathtub. WHILE WE WERE IN IT.

21 comments:

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I work with a guy. He has a step-brother. When they were kids, they took baths together.

They both pooped in the tub.

Their dad heard a lot of splashing and commotion in the bathtub.

He came in to find them with their hands in the bathtub, racing each others turds around the perimeter of the tub.

justjp said...

LOL! That's so gross.

carissajaded said...

AHHH hahaha! My sister did the same thing to me... though she will never admit to it...

Lemmonex said...

GOD DAMMIT.

Also, Dirty Dancing is where I learned about abortion.

Butterbean said...

are we the same person?? my cousin pooped in the tub while me and my other cousin were in as well. then she tried to blame it on me. bitch.

Maryx said...

OMG Gross!!!!!
Thank goodness that never happened to me... Well... I don't recall it happening... At least I know I never did it. I've peed in the bath though... =D

LiLu said...

Confession time... DID YOU TOUCH THE FLOATER??

M said...

I do not envy you your childhood.

Gross.

PQ said...

He he he.

Jay Ferris said...

They say that most fetishes are rooted deep in shameful childhood experiences. Just sayin'.

f.B said...

why? WHY?

I probably would've slipped, fallen and broken my neck trying to escape that water.

Ed Adams said...

"And then a Big Brown Shark came!"
----Eddie Murphy on playing GI Joe's in the tub when someone poops.

Gofahne said...

How the? What the?

I have nothing.

Unnaturally Disasterous said...

Klassy!

Meg Kathleen said...

So...why aren't you still friends with her?

Phronk said...

I've never pooped under water. I wonder if it would be harder or easier?

Excuse me, I have to go run to the public swimming pool for a second.

P.S. Dirty Dancing forced my parents to explain abortion to me. True story.

Alex said...

And then what?

Seriously, poop is groooooooooossssssssssssss. Trust me I have poop everywhere (not mine, though).

Zan said...

Ed Adams beat me to it with the Eddie Murphy joke...damn, Ed...

But I'd have drowned her. Too gross.

Margaret Benbow said...

Shine, you're leaping to assumptions. Maybe your cousin slipped a Babe Ruth bar into the tub (as happened in the notorious pool scene in Caddyshack--Bill Murray wades in wearing a space suit to retrieve the Floater, and munches it as everybody throws up)

Cool as Folk said...

My cousin once picked up a turd from the toilet and chased me around her kitchen with it.

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