Today's TMI post is brought to you by...my childhood in East Tennessee. Oh yes, we lived in the STICKS.
I used to have this cousin. I say "used to" for good reason. She was probably never really my cousin in the first place. See my mom married my sister's dad (not my dad) who had a brother who used to be married to her mother (but who was not her father), but wasn't any more. So basically we're like twice removed by divorce at this point.
She wasn't always terribly nice to me. I was younger and new and my mom wouldn't let me do anything fun. I will say though, that she's the reason I saw Dirty Dancing at the ripe old age of eight, when my mom probably would have chosen for me to wait until I was married. Sorry Mom!
Dirty Dancing: It's where I learned all about pre-marital sex and awesome dancing.
So anyway, when I met this sort-of-cousin, I was four, I think. She was five. We hung out a lot. I spent the night at her house all the time, which was cool because her mom let us do cool things like build blanket forts with chairs in the basement and listen to Michael Jackson records and dance until past my bedtime.
One evening, we were taking a bath together. I have no idea why. Probably it was just more efficient. Possibly we had made a mess of ourselves in the mud. There's really no telling.
We were in the tub, playing and splashing and I'm sure being ridiculous. Just by the way, this cousin is the reason you will never hear me pick dare at Truth or Dare, which I have still never played to this day because I was so scarred from her trying to get me to do or say things. Now I'm not scared of the truth, but I'm still a little scared of the dare.
Anyway, we were in the bathtub and all of a sudden, I looked down and saw something weird in the water. It wasn't floating, just sort of...sitting at the bottom of the tub. It was brown and kind of log-like in shape.
Yeah, you guessed it.
She pooped in the bathtub. WHILE WE WERE IN IT.